Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Carousel of Time

O Joni Mitchell. You are such a pretty lady.

Here are my favorite lyrics from the song.

"And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
Were captive on the carousel of time
We cant return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game"

It reminds me of my life lately. I notice the deep desire to feel happiness. And it only brings me back to sadness. Micael is such a wonderful Micael. I give myself exactly what I ask for. Happiness. And this happiness I want lives in the dichotomy of happy and sad. So I need to be sad too in order to be happy. I do it with out even noticing it. I give myself happiness and then I give myself sadness. I'm seeing now that I do it out of compassion, If I don't allow myself to be sad, I won't be able to feel the happiness that I desire.

Now, that I notice this....I can start to notice the difference between happiness and peace. Maybe this is yet another circle of peace and war. Maybe. But I guess my question is, is there anything outside the circles that we go round and round on? The Buddhists call it Samsara, the cyclical patterns of desire.

I can sit and notice. Ah, here is the happiness....and there is something else that's different and unwavering -joy-. Ah. Here is the saddness...and that same thing that existed within the happiness but was not the happiness the -joy, silence, peace- It's unnamable. The moment I name it, it becomes a part of the circle. It's God.

Thank you Joni for reminding me that these circles are exactly as you say. They are games.

I love to play them. I love to be happy. And with that comes sadness so I guess if I'm going to have full integrity, I can say, I also love to be sad.

With out further adieu: The Circle Game.

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