This past week was amazingly intense.
Of all the lessons I learned as an actor and performer, one of the greatest ones was my role in an ensemble.
I talk a lot. I talk so much.
I mean, I realized it only as I was in the depths of this process with six other performers and it really sunk in. I am a bossy girl! And although that quality is super good for me. I do it more than I would like to. There was one point in the process where I was so worn down that I went with the group in a direction I did not agree with. I said in a very professional manner that I did not agree with the direction but when it became clear everyone was willing to go for it, I tried it. I was not eager to do it but I did it.
I shut my mouth the whole creation process, I did what I was told and did not fight any of it.
And it made the show a better piece. Imagine that.
I also found that the next time I had a proposal, my ensemble mates were more willing to hear me out.
As I move forward with ensemble work I will remain alert to this feeling of resistance and notice if I have the courage to set it aside and go with a proposal I do not like.
Just as our teacher Joe asked us to never say, "My character would never do that.", it is equally valid to hesitate from saying, "As an actor, I would never do that."