Saying Yes

At the start of last week our teacher Stephanie told us that we may learn more in the week of production than we have all four previous weeks combined. Lordy that was true.
This past week was amazingly intense.
Of all the lessons I learned as an actor and performer, one of the greatest ones was my role in an ensemble.

I talk a lot. I talk so much.

I mean, I realized it only as I was in the depths of this process with six other performers and it really sunk in. I am a bossy girl! And although that quality is super good for me. I do it more than I would like to. There was one point in the process where I was so worn down that I went with the group in a direction I did not agree with. I said in a very professional manner that I did not agree with the direction but when it became clear everyone was willing to go for it, I tried it. I was not eager to do it but I did it.

I shut my mouth the whole creation process, I did what I was told and did not fight any of it.

And it made the show a better piece. Imagine that.

I also found that the next time I had a proposal, my ensemble mates were more willing to hear me out.

As I move forward with ensemble work I will remain alert to this feeling of resistance and notice if I have the courage to set it aside and go with a proposal I do not like.

Just as our teacher Joe asked us to never say, "My character would never do that.", it is equally valid to hesitate from saying, "As an actor, I would never do that."