Performing as Squirm is really a riot. The click happened for me when I realized that she is a violent character living in a world of comedy and that the violence is playful. This is a fun form. It requires buoyancy. But as my teacher Ronlin said, buoyancy is not airy. It requires deep roots to stay grounded while still remaining up.
Last night, I went into the show with the same commitment to play violently buoyant but with an eye to intensify the need of the Squirm. Staying in it without going tense, really requires a deep level of energy that I do not know I was completely able to attain. However, I was able to connect with the audience at a few key points in the show. I was able to "get them on my side". Or maybe a better way of putting it was that I was able to "allow them into my world." It was funny because all I did was stay present and say what was on my mind.
Tonight as we close our third and final show I have a lot of notes rolling around in my head. One big thing I've learned over the weeks is that to focus on too many things leaves my head spinning. Essentializing my focus is super important for me as an actor. And we all have our different processes. Tonight we've added a new scene where Squirm breaks down into tears. In that particular scene raw vulnerable buoyant play is absolutely required. Enjoying the play, but living in the break down with an honest experience. Not pushing the tears but allowing it to channel through me...I think? We will give that a try.
As far as the thruline of the whole piece, I really do think this is Squirm's chance to take the audience on a drug run. She is here for the audience and for herself. She is proud of her job as a drug dealer and wants to give the audience the inside track. The main note that Ronlin gave today was to have the courage to put on the mask and get out of the way for the character to run the show. To be the vehicle of the character. To allow for the failure of giving over to Squirm. What a raw thing. To let all the other notes go and just strap in and see what happens when I listen attentively and give over all my energy to her and her shenanigans. I guess I should start channeling the energy of a low rider. Squirm's ride. Fo shizzle.