the blogar

The Power of Vulnerability

2012-01-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

A Pie Eating Prize Winning Circus...for Social Change

2011-12-31T12:36:00.001-08:00

As 2011 comes to a close, I wanted to share a story about one of my favorite days this year. On December 17, a group of artists descended on Occupy DC to present Occupy DC Circus. It was a smashing success. The day started as a group of artists met up on McPherson Square filling up balloons, putting up signs, and cutting pie. We had a brief planning meeting but already Occupiers were curious and coming to join the show. JP Worthington, our banker clown, followed by his two cop clown lackeys invited the Occupy town to a day at the circus.

The music began and the circus was off. Our acroyogis put on a beautiful show, as Lizzy lifted Miss Butterfly up in the air.

Philip the tight rope walker extroidannaire set up his line and danced across it, teaching folks how to walk across it as well.

Alexis and Felix rocked the crowd with their juggling duo act.

The Occupiers and passers-by were loving it and the crowds were growing by the minute.

Amy, Brian, and Anthony hugged the hell outta passers-by at our Hug-a-palooza.

We even invited the police for a hug but they politely declined looking on in confusion and curiosity.

Alex and Chantal ran the OccuWHY booth helping Occupiers write about their experience at Occupy. A square wooden structure with poster board and markers asked: When do you know you're done? (An answer: never) How do you stay warm? (An answer: burn money) How do you keep your shit from getting stolen? (An answer: duct tape) and What does this movement mean to you? (An answer: a community).

Erin painted faces and Liz and Dan helped keep the show running smoothly. Bobby took amazing pictures (that I'm using here).

After about a half hour of festivities, our esteemed banker clown JP Worthington invited the crowd to a competition of gladiator games where the winner would be awarded pie.

Never in my twenty odd years as a performer have I been involved in a bigger game of Zip Zap Zop. The cop clowns explained the game and more than thirty of us gathered in a circle to play. The competition was fierce.

The winner, with a face painted like a kitten, was paraded through a line of clowns and out to the pie.

There sat JP Worthington guarding the pie and busy counting his money. The pie, he said, would have to be given out another day. For now, another game.

Elves, Wizards, Giants was our next game. We played a few rounds, growling, zapping, and grumbling as teams descended on each other in chase.

Half way through the game, the crowd mutinied and descended upon Worthington demanding pie. Worthington was on to us and had taped up the pie and paid off the clown cops to silly string anyone who dared go for the pie. We should have known better than to invite a banker clown to our circus.

After some very clever chanting instigated by the Occupiers and the wave game, our cop clowns defected and JP was left all by himself. Pretty soon he saw that we were having way too much fun and joined as well, offering us permission to have the pie. Our stilt walking treasure Janelle shouted back to him, "I don't think we're asking permission, it is after all our pie."

The crowd cheered and pie was had by all.

The circus ended that day with dancing, laughing, more acrobatics, pies in faces, and general cheer. The Occupy folks thanked us all for being there and said it was a much needed break, and the pie tasted real good (thanks Dangerously Delicious Pies for your dangerously delicious and generous donation).

For me and my fellow circus friends, what excited us is the way so many talented people could come together to explore and play in a way that not only brought laughter and community, but also showed the potential for creativity and even circus to transform protest. Protest is so often thought of as an angry action, however what sort of changes would creativity and laughter bring to this element? It is not only a question worth asking, it is an action worth exploring. Many of the Occupiers that day were at the Bradley Manning hearing and we are sorry we missed their presence. However, our goals for next year are to make it out to these actions, bringing our creativity and see what comes of it. As Occupy moves forward this year, I invite and encourage all interested artists and activists to continue to get together and explore how creativity can provide innovation to non-violent activism for social change.

Long live Occupy. Long live pie.

Occupy DC Circus

2011-12-15T19:16:00.000-08:00

So for the past month I've been organizing an event down at Occupy DC. A circus really. I've been gathering friends and artists around DC sympathetic to the cause and wanting to contribute. It's been a wonderful journey of organizing and watching as so many talented people sign on to contribute. Very eager to see how it turns out with the understanding that these actions I have begun to do more and more frequently never turn out quite how I plan them. We've got an exciting plan though. Side shows like debating puppet politicians where the Democrat and Republican are fighting over the best possible way to get the money to the bankers, a hug off run by a clown, a slack line, jugglers, a unicyclist, an OccuWHY booth that my dear friend Nate built with markers and poster boards with questions to fill in like: How Not to Get Your Shit Stolen and When Do You Know Your Done. We're also having a participatory piece of theater using playground games and pie to have a mini clown sit-in, a rehearsal for a revolution as Boal would say. If we can pull it off, it will be epic. Don't worry, we'll take pictures.

As I send out the announcement to friends and co-workers, a few people have paused and scratched their heads, maybe even a few have chuckled under their breath, "Who would want to have anything to do with that mess." seems to be the sentiment. And I have to sit with that for a moment and reflect. The Occupy movement has so many many many faults. So disorganized, such a lack of clear direction, and don't even get me started on the internal politics of the camp, ouf. But, for me, that is SO not the point.

I firmly believe that taking civic action, no matter how difficult it may be to measure policy change correlation or number of mouths fed, engaging in a civic action with the intention to make your own community a better place is HUGE. It is EPIC. It is the only thing we can do to change the world. In our own community, for the things we care about.

I think what I would ask each and every one to do, whether you're supporting the cause or not, is to find one single thing that you do agree with in the Occupy movement, and lord knows there are so many causes you're bound to find one you agree with. Find that one thing and ask yourself what can you DO to change this? Take your reflective intelligent analytical critical thinking skills you typically use to blame and brush off others actions and creatively brainstorm what you can do to influence this issue...and then go and fucking do it.

Happy clowning.

Clowns Without Borders Takes on DC!

2011-10-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

I've been working hard the past four months with Clowns Without Borders to get a DC branch up and running. We've been rehearsing pretty regularly and are just now getting a fundraiser off the ground. Details below. Very exciting!

On Wednesday October 12th from 6-8pm at the Science Club in Washington DC (two blocks from Dupont Circle), please join myself and fellow clowns to raise money for an upcoming Clowns Without Borders trip to Haiti. The money will also go to developing a Clowns Without Borders DC branch. Woolly Mammoth Theater has graciously donated their space for a monthly rehearsal and we hope to be in DC public schools a year from now working with kids. A $10 donation gets you a free drink and a raffle ticket to win some amazing tickets to DC and Baltimore theater, free trapeze lessons, as well as other fun stuff. We also plan to have a clown stare off and if you are one of the first 20 to arrive you'll get your very own free clown nose. Help us bring laughter to children in zones of crisis both internationally and locally.

Peacebuilding and Arts: A Political Agenda

2011-08-03T19:57:00.001-07:00

Part IV: Sectors within the Peacebuilding Community

With a strong collective of peace activists and artists organized, lobbying for change to the DC congress may be a worthwhile endeavor. While congress and the American people rush to put out the immediate fires caused by costly wars and an economic depression, thoughts around long term sustainability gain ever more importance. It is the peacebuilding communities' chance and responsiblity to gather the wide network of activists around common goals and to share our vision for a more peaceful world.

If we assume that a) all foreign policy decisions to engage the international community in violence come from our government institutions of Congress and the Executive branch, and b) are largely based off of public needs for a strong economy and a secure nation, we as peacebuilders must understand these tenants as well and find the truth and value in them. Just as the idealist expectation that everyone will one day become socially responsible engaged citizens is false, it is also unrealistic to assume that we as a nation do not require fundamental needs of economic stability and physical safety. The peacebuilding sector must honor both of these facts.

When I speak about the peacebuilding community,I am referring to a massive array of organizations and areas of focus. Many people who work within this sphere may not even realize it. I believe peacebuilding is a proactive nonviolent approach to developing and empowering society, both socially and economically, to sustainably exist by using creative means to counter and/or resolve conflict. When we draw the definition out to this level, the number of peacebuilders expands dramatically. While the sector really is limitless and reconstructed to include new areas of focus every day, the ten central areas of interest for me include: environment, technology, education, gender, communication, poverty and hunger, youth, democracy and governance, microcredit, and veteran's affairs. Although this list is not exhaustive, it speaks to me to be the central areas that contain the most powerful advances in the creation of a more peaceful world.

Environment: As America works to find alternatives to oil and gas, which has driven so much of our interest in the politics of the Middle East, alternative forms of energy stand to play a leading role in peacebuilding.

Technology: Innovations in technology offer humanity the chance to develop and connect in ways never before imagined. These tools can be used to strengthen and build our economy in a multitude of ways. A number of innovations in transportation and communication through technology have been discovered in the research and development of defense. Where can the engineers and technology community engage as peacebuilders?

Education: Peace education was pioneered by Betty Reardon in the late 70's and continues to grow exponentially. While education is not often viewed as a direct capital gain, it may be worthwhile to explore both private and public school systems that teach peace education and the level of demand from parents for students to attend these schools.

Gender: The connection between women with both economic strength and peace has been a central arguments for much of the development world's focus on gender development. Pray the Devil Back to Hell is just one example of the power of women in conflict resolution.

Communication: Responsible media coverage of war and politics is in high demand. Media outlets are known to use violent messaging and irresponsible tactics to make profits. As access to Internet increases and information abounds, power plays are shifting and there is great opportunity here to create and aggregate communities of peace online that teach media literacy in a conflict resolution context.

Democracy and Governance: As we work to forge partnerships and compromises across political party lines, the art of dialogue can be an incredibly huge asset. If the 112th congress had been able to effectively communicate, be heard and be listened to in a safe non threatening environment, the recent debt ceiling crisis may have been avoided.

Microcredit: Many people do not realize that the microcredit initiative began and continues to thrive as a profit based model. Offering a larger market with more funds to entrepreneurs embarking on socially responsible initiatives would incentivize people to initiate business models that are sustainable, environmentally sensitive, or peacebuilding focused.

Poverty and Hunger: Discovering and implementing effective socially responsible ways to feed the entire planet may alleviate many instigating factors for conflicts exacerbated due to a lack of resources.

Youth: Investing in peacebuilding activities for youth is literally investing in our future. With an eye to long term peacebuilding in youth education, youth sports, youth arts and all other youth sectors, we are building a new future where alternatives to violence come second nature.

Veteran's affairs: Veterans have sacrificed much for America. Politics aside, we owe each and every veteran the time and energy needed to make sure they are healed and ready to reintegrate into society. As James Hilman states in his book A Terrible love of War, "The veteran needs a rite de sortie that belongs to every initiation as its normal conclusion, making possible an intact return. This procedure of detoxificiation, that gives meaning to the absurd and imagination to the oppressive facts, should take as long and be as thorough as the rite d'entree of boot-camp basic training." The military community should collaborate with the peacebuilding community to develop a three month program mandatory for all soldiers who were in combat to process their time at war.

These sectors lay the foundation for a normalization of a peacebuilding society that understands the danger behind making hasty decisions to resort to violence. This society does not avoid violence but has developed a palette of alternatives to explore before making that choice. We understand that economic security and safety are important and make conscious decisions to achieve them without becoming violent.

Peacebuilding and Arts: A Political Agenda

2011-07-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

Part III: The Weakness of Reactionary Peacebuilding

For over five years now, I've attended peace demonstrations and war protests in D.C. seeing the crowd shrink and grow in direct reaction to the message shaped by politicians and conveyed through the media. I have noticed these events have become more protest and less demonstrations. The real power of these rallies is the moment for like-minded people to gather and celebrate the collective creative energy that is so essential to sustainable change and peace. Instead, I have seen less and less of this, and more and more of anger and egoism. Politicians and activists shout angrily through loud speakers as the words become dulled by repetition. Friends tell me they don't go because they leave feeling worse than when they came and it feels like a waste of time. I don't blame them.

I wonder, what our rallies would look like if rather than shaping them as reactions, we organized them as celebrations; celebrations of peacebuilding and the amazing places and people in our great nation that work everyday to create a thriving sustainable economy and society using creativity and innovation to cultivate peace.

Rallies for peace do not have to be in direct relation to the wars at hand. Rallies for peace can be celebrations of the pro active choices that we make every day to treat the environment with respect, to buy locally, to forgive, to engage in civil society, to vote for socially responsible bills and politicians. Peace is not a protest. Peace is the creation of a society that can live within its means. Peace is the balance between prosperity and sustainability. If we accept the premise that much of America's wars are motivated by greed, then peace is a simple pursuit to lessen the need for more. Rallies for such a cause do not have to be in defense. After all, the reactive, immediate need for defense is the very thing we are working to transform.

What is the intersection between artists and activists when we look at it in this context? In Part I. I spoke about the precarious dance between arts and peacebuilding. It is not easily achieved. I think however, that given the right framing, the artist and activist can work together incredibly well.

How many driven activist organizations spend too much time on their work and lack a a strong marketing campaign. And the marketing campaigns that are out there, are too often motivated by the need for money. Understandably so. A volunteer-led community of artists donating their time to craft messages of activism through mediums of art has the potential to bring a new wave of peace rallies to D.C . Artists, when motivated by something of meaning and personally inspired, can communicate the essence of peacebuilding to the greater community in such a powerful way that an "ask" for funding will not even need to be woven into the message. Painters, poets, dancers, thespians, puppet makers, singers, musicians and acrobats can collaborate with socially engaged activists to understand their mission and shape a piece of art to reflect this. The collection of these pieces of art, the celebration of this work is what a peace rally must look like. The connection of artists and activists to merge mission with craft can open up doors of creativity and power on a scale that would bring people out of their house to see and participate. Imagine a mall full of artists and activists that have worked together to create expressions of peace. A true rally for peace, motivated proactively by the pursuit for peace.

Part II. The Politics of Peacebuilding
Part I. Art and Peacebuilding

Peacebuilding and Arts: A Political Agenda

2011-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

Part II. The Politics of Peacebuilding

"Deep in the heart of natural inclusional principles is an acknowledgement of needfulness, but not neediness as a fundamental condition of life. Needfulness is associated with spatial receptivity, and is a natural source of deep compassion for self and other through acknowledging that every bodily form has an intangible core towards and around which energy gravitates and circulates. The receptive influence of this core extends continuously throughout and beyond its energetic boundaries, always thirsting for more energy, more life. Neediness, by contrast, is a rationalistic notion of unilateral dependence upon others, interpreted as a ‘deficit’ or ‘negativity’." --Alan Rayner (Image and quote taken from Needfulness article)

Living in Washington DC over the past five years has offered me a unique perspective into the way peace and war are really created. While each individual must look to their own heart to find peace, the macro level of policy making must never be underestimated. Much of the US foreign policy that exists, does so based on the nationally-perceived neediness. In a country founded on economic liberalism, politicians and lobbyists eat and breathe based on financing and needing more. Financing the next election often drives the interest in particular issues and bills and laws that ultimately become monetized as well through appropriations committees on the hill. And each campaign needs to be bigger and better than before. Each new bill needs to increase the economy in robust ways.

And rather than spend my lifetime criticizing the flaws of the system, it is rather interesting to notice how an artist and peacemaker can coexist in a system that seems to, by definition, have no place for them. Neither art nor peace have much of a precedent for money making as a central motivational force.

While the economy drives our policies domestically, most people do not get into politics for the money. Money may ultimately motivate much of their work, but it does not trump all. Values of social justice, equal opportunity and other moral issues also motivate much of what goes on in DC. As Alan Rayner outlines in his article "Needfulness" quoted above, the differentiation between needfulness and neediness must remain an ever present struggle for humanity in our efforts to create a more peaceful world. Politicians in DC struggle with this on a daily basis, as do their constituents.

And with this understanding, I look to our nation's capital as an artist and peace activist.

The economics of art and peacebuilding are important areas of exploration, with the caveat that profit is not always the central motivating factor in political decision making. As American politics continue to learn from past mistakes, and make ever more room for "needfulness", the hope lies in the middle ground between profit and responsible decision making; in the understanding that while we may have human needs of security and prosperity, they may not need to come at the expense of others.

Part one: Art and Peacebuilding

The Common Enemy: Racism and the Military

2011-05-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

In context: The following blog is not intended to disrespect or dishonor Memorial Day. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I believe that as a nation we must honor those who have died by questioning systems of violence and working to create a more peaceful society and military, where less people have to die to defend our nation from the perceived and very real threats that we face.

On this Memorial Day, I was listening on NPR to a story of the first black woman to fly fighter helicopters. You can listen to the story here. It is a cool story in the sense of equality within the United States military. During the most previous military peacebuilding dialogue that I facilitated, this issue of racism in the military came up. One of the vets in the group said he felt really frustrated by society's stereotype of the military being racist. He said that the amount of friendships between black and white soliders was incredibly high and that a lot of guys (and gals) going into the military with racist tendencies were transformed because of their service. He said that when people are placed in such close surroundings and forced to defend each other at all odds, the sense of brotherhood (no mention of sisterhood?) and friendship is immeasurable.

A peacebuilding member in the dialogue, after listening carefully and affirming the story, explained their concern surrounding racial issues in the military. They explained their concern pertains to the "othering" when talking about the "enemy."

I agreed with this concern. I remember guys in my brother's unit used to call Jason the "haji lover". "Haji" is of course the term used for a Muslim taking the pilgrimage to Mecca. It has also been used as a discriminatory word for the indigenous peoples of the Arabic countries the US military occupies during times of war. Jason's fellow soldiers called him "haji lover" because he was always giving candy to kids and trying to engage in conversation with Afghan citizens. This "othering" of the enemy is nothing new within US military. We can trace it all the way back to the massacre of the Native Americans with such terms as: injun and redskin.

I do not believe that the military as an institution necessarily promotes this behavior. I imagine all soldiers going into a combat zone such as Iraq and Afghanistan receive some cultural sensitivity training. My hope is that as the military realizes the power behind counter violence tactics, they will spend more time training their soldiers on conflict resolution tactics. While "othering" the enemy may be a powerful combat tactic, it cripples our ability to effectively promote a non violent and peaceful society.

Happy Memorial Day...here's to a world where security and safety can coexist with compassion and tolerance.

30: The perfect place to be

2011-05-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

Just got an email from a co worker about turning thirty. I loved it. So here's to being thirty and all the magic that comes along with it. Not sure who wrote this but it's lovely.

"Perhaps no single number more fully embodies the essence of the rhythmic fluctuations which characterize human affairs than that of the number 30. Its significance to the realms of finance, economics, physics, mathematics, astronomy, and religion is integral to a full comprehension of each field, and almost mystical in its import.

While the number 30 has many significations, its most fundamental significance is the fact that it is the number of the circle, or cycle. The circle, it will be noted, is the geometric expression of absolute completion and infinity. It symbolizes the continuous, yet fixed, nature of life, energy and matter along the timeline. It is the shape of every planet in the solar system and the fittest representation of all time cycles as the clock itself (being in the shape of a circle) testifies.

The clock also provides a fitting analogy to our examination of the number 30. Besides being the ultimate embodiment of the cycle (which governs the affairs of every life-form on earth), the clock is divided into 12 sections, or hours, upon a circular face. The circle itself is 360 degrees (a completed cycle in geometry), and 360 divided by 12 yields 30. Therefore, 30 has a special significance in the cycle of time.

Thirty is also half of 60, the number of seconds in a minute and the number of minutes in an hour. It forms an integral part of the measure of time itself. Thirty is the number of days in a month, and three times 30 is equal to one quarter of the calendar year. In the realm of finance, the quarter has a very important meaning in the analysis of corporate earnings. As such, it forms the backbone to financial cycle analysis since identifiable cycles of stock price fluctuations tend to occur in quarterly increments.

Thirty days times 3 is also the division of the calendar itself into four (the number 4 representing temporal completion) equal sections. It also forms the basis of the four seasons of the year and therefore is important to the agrarian economy (without which life could not exist). The farmer must plan his tilling, planting, fertilizing, and harvesting activities along these four quarters (30 x 3), with each quarter representing a timeframe integral to the success of his crop. Therefore, the number 30 also forms the backbone to understanding the commodities market as well, and is a central component in the analysis of supply and demand.

Since the cycle (of which the number 30 is an essential feature) cannot be expressed as a complete circle along the timeline, it takes instead the form of an S-shaped curve, or sine wave. This is nothing more than a bisected circle, or cycloid, with both halves connecting to form the completed circle in price and time (though not in actual form). Using this as a foundation for the understanding and interpretation of the cycle, we will proceed along this channel.

The number 30 can also be expressed as 10 x 3 (10 being the number of ordinal perfection and 3 the number of divine completeness). This mathematical structure further underlines the special importance of this number. Thirty is also the number of probation and preparation. A man, before he is fit for success, very often must toil at his trade until he reaches the age of 30 before he is ready to advance and apply all his wisdom and experience with great success. Thirty also has a theological significance since we read in Scripture that Christ was 30 when he began his public ministry on earth. In biblical numerology, the number 30 is also representative of blood (the essence of all life) and the price of blood. For example, Christ was sold by Judas Iscariot for 30 pieces of silver."

Peacebuilding and Arts: A Political Agenda

2011-05-15T10:44:00.001-07:00

I plan to write a series of blog posts over the next few months that will serve to explain a larger goal I have in mind of connecting the peacebuilding innovators and artists to communicate, express and lobby the US government and people for systems of peace and economic sustainability. The series of blog posts are meant to explain this thesis in further detail. I reserve the right to make amendments as I write. This is a work in progress. This is something that has been forming for years. I am eager to get it out into words.

Part 1: Art and Peacebuilding

Art and peacebuilding are odd bed fellows. Peacebuilding requires political will, it requires lobbying, it requires an understanding of the politics behind war and the economic systems America thrives on. It requires time and patience. It takes flexibility and planning.

Art on the other hand thrives in the present moment. In the insanity, in the blink of an eye, in the spontaneity of restlessness, in the space where honesty and abstract collide. It emerges only on its own accord and cannot be harnessed or calculated. It cannot be systematized and institutionalized. Art does not angle or lobby. Art does not care about politics.

In the the world of peacebuilding, true art is rarely achieved. Too often strong agendas overshadow the subtlety and magic that makes something art.

And in the world of art, real peacebuilding is rarely achieved. Artists recognize the dead weight political agendas can have on their work and often avoid them completely.

And yet, in this space where art and peacebuilding coexist, the power for social change is great. Finding the right balance between the two will forever remain a passion of mine. It is not an easy thing to do.

Part Two: The Politics of Peacebuilding

Top five reasons I know Im back in the (former) USSR

2011-04-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am on my first ever true blue business trip with Chemonics. Feeling very grown up. Destination: Astana, Kazakhstan. What an interesting place. I basically have the view of that picture out of my hotel window. In all fairness, I haven't been out of the hotel for more than an hour. I've only been here two days and have been busy. Hoping to get a tour of the city on Sunday. But from the moment stepping off the plane, I knew...I'm back. And so, beat from working 12 hour days with jet lag to boot, here is the best top five reasons I've got:

5 Exiting from the plane, a woman was crying hysterically in a wheelchair in the runway, I mean this woman was straight up screaming, and all the passengers just walked passed her without flinching.
4. The "non smoking" aiport had cigarette butts floating in the toilet and there was beer stashed behind the toilet as well. The cleaning ladies know how to party.
3. The city is lit up in every shad of colored lights imaginable. Classy.
2. All clothing however only comes in varied shades of black.
1. Я понимаю, мой русский еще хуже, чем я обычно считаю когда я в Америке
(I realize, my Russian is worse than I think it is when I'm in America)

Can't wait to get out and see this city. What a crazy looking place...more on that later.

Creative Activism at Play

2011-03-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

On March 19, I set out with two new friends, Oda and Nehemiah, on a clowning expedition to explore the intersection between art and social justice. We were organized around a project I like to call Clown Forum, based on clowning tenants of Jacques LeCoq and participatory theater tenants of Augusto Boal. It was a sunny day as we walked through Lafayette Park to the annual peace rally organized this year by Vets for Peace. A small crowd had gathered around a stage.

The week before, we had devised a short piece with the aim of playing with rally goers around images of peace. Often times, the spirit of anger can take over at peace rallies, quickly turning the day into a rejection of what is rather than a celebration of what can be. We wanted to see what clowns could bring. We were not only out for a good time, but also equipped with some intention. For two hours we prowled the crowd, enticing people away from listening to speakers and to engage with us. The drone of angry voices rang in my ears, echoing in sharp contrast to our squeals of laughter and applause. Honk me! a large sign said, draped around Oda’s neck. A clown horn hung precariously from a string on the sign. As soon as a rally goer would reach out and honk the horn, they found themselves smack dab in front of a pad of paper with a palette of crayons.

After reading a card inviting them to draw an image of concrete actions towards peace, the rally goer was transported into a clown world where they reigned as supreme master of peace. A short color session ensued, peppered with occasional clown heckles. Immediately, what was expected to be a day of listening to a roster of esteemed speakers, turned into a day of teaching lessons of peace –so what if it was to a buncha clowns. Some people drew anarchy symbols and others smiley faces. There were images of public transportation, solar panels and sunshine, books and food, peace signs and even a Buddha. Two young vets simply wrote, “Fuck the Police” in big letters. At times the pictures were hard to decipher and other images made absolutely no sense at all. But no matter what, staying true to form, we clapped and cheered as if they had just come up with the most profound idea ever.

With our spinning Easter egg clown-phone, we asked them to tell us more. The once reflective silent rally goers, now empowered artist activists, shared a wide range of opinions ranging from a call for total anarchy to complete socialism. One woman spoke of meditation and ultimate enlightenment as the key to peace while another woman simply said that sunshine was all we really needed. After each person finished, we clapped and hollered some more. You can imagine we created quite a little scene.

In retrospect, our clown experiment accomplished a few simple but meaningful goals. First, it was a chance to get peaceful protestors laughing, talking and interacting. Others standing around the artist couldn’t help but watch and listen, as they crayola crayoned out their ideas and dreams. In the future, it may be worth engaging curious onlookers as well by asking them what the pictures mean to them.

Our clown experiment was also a chance for people to be heard rather than preached at. Rallies in DC have gotten a bad reputation over the years as a place full of angry bitter people. As clowns, we thought it might be nice to create more of a celebration of sorts. What better way to further the cause for peace, than to celebrate creativity and alternatives to violence. A format such as this has the potential to inspire and connect, rather than blame and disconnect. One can’t help but imagine what an entire park of clowns and poets, jugglers and dancers, painters and singers would look like engaging in artistic participatory models to elicit creative nonviolence.

Two years ago, I lost my brother in Afghanistan. He was a soldier and he fought bravely for what he believed in. His loss propelled a drive in me to deal with the anger and blame I have held for the military ever since we invaded Iraq. After losing Jason, I realized that the military was not my enemy, the military as an enemy was a story I had prescribed to in order to avoid engaging as an active citizen. I realized my biggest enemy was my sense of self righteousness and unwillingness to embrace the creative problem solving skills that live within me. I am still working every day to replace the anger and blame to openness and receptivity. I believe that the vast majority of the people who work within the systems that have propelled us deep into a war state are not evil people. They are human beings with human needs who need to be understood and listened to by people who can offer new solutions.

The same year my brother was killed, I attended the annual peace rally in DC dressed as a clown for the first time. I was tired of feeling angry and helpless at rallies and wanted to try something new. For me, clowning is a chance to celebrate the imperfections that make us human. It allows me to engage with people in a playful format where fun trumps all. Clowning creates inclusivity and space. It embraces art and creativity to an extreme, laying waste to status quo and allowing for new discoveries. While at the rally, I met a little boy carrying around a sign that said, “War is a lack of imagination.”

As I looked around the peace rally this last weekend, I realized the irony that our peace advocacy community may have fallen victim to that very same fate of a lack of imagination. Until we embrace the power of our imagination and creative conflict resolution skills as the central assets we have within our community, and set aside our need to be right, how can we expect anyone to listen to us?

Although the rally last weekend was small, it was chalk full of compassionate, committed, hard working people that will never give up their dreams to create a more equitable peaceful world. My plan is to continue working to ensure that not only do the solutions that emerged on our pad of paper of public transportation, solar panels, books, food and sunshine, get 'drawn out' further, but also that the process in which we do so is full of creativity, openness, and fun.

CLOWN FORUM IS A RATHER NEW ENDEAVOR AND I AM STILL FORMING THE TROUPE. IF YOU HAVE ANY INTEREST IN VOLUNTEERING WITH US PLEASE SEND AN EMAIL TO CLOWNFORUM@GMAIL.COM. IF YOU LIKED WHAT YOU READ, PASS THIS ON. LAST BUT NOT LEAST, HERE'S A DIRECT LINK TO THE VIDEO OF OUR CLOWNING ADVENTURES LAST WEEKEND.

An experiment in street theater for social change

2011-03-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

This initiative is inspired by the prospect of using comedy/clowning as a tool to explore oppression and injustice. It is also inspired by the interest to bring a creative alternative to war protests in DC that are so often filled with anger.

Who: DC artists and/or activists, passionate about social change and interested in using clowning as a format to provoke meaningful physical dialogue on the street. Free and open to all regardless of past theater experience.

What: A funny yet thought-provoking devised clown piece that reflects the performers' personal experiences around relevant areas of oppression or injustice. This is the culmination of many different areas of study such as: Theater of the Oppressed, clowning, street theater, improvisation, physical comedy, buffooning, participatory theater, dialogue, cirque, and yoga.

Where: On the streets of DC at the Answer Coalition’s March to Resist the War Machine on March 19.

When: 4 hour workshop March 12 to devise the piece, 2 hour street performance March 19.

Why: A chance to create art for a good cause. A chance to be a part of something experimental and innovative.

This experiment in theater for social change is being organized by arts activist Micael Bogar who has been clowning at protests for over two years and has been studying and facilitating Theater of the Oppressed workshops in the US and the FSU since 2007. Email interest to clownforum@gmail.com.

*I blogged in detail about this last week but now I am shamelessly using my blog as a promotional platform as well.

100th Monkey: An Experiment in Theater for Social Change

2011-02-27T17:39:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been on the hunt, the hunt for a few good clowns. Literally. On March 19, Answer Coalition will organize another march to resist war.

The idea in and of itself never sits well with me. Marching to resist war. It seems ludicrous in so many ways. War is a natural part of humanity: in some way, resistance just creates more war. And if we can somehow resist it, what good will marching do? Besides those marches are just full of angry people anyway.

And yet I have to be there.

I have to be there because it is one of the only times every year that I am pushed up against so many strong-spirited, hopeful, well-intentioned activists. Sure, not everyone who attends has their heart in the right place. But for the most part they do.

I have to be there because I want the world to know that I too do not believe that war is the best answer and certainly not the default, that it has become.

I have to be there in honor of Jason, in hopes that walking with others will contribute to the larger collective unconscious the message that we must explore other ways to resolve conflict. 100th monkey syndrome.

And if I have to be there, why not dress as a clown?

Well, I don't suppose it's that simple, but I must say I have found in my experience that going to rallies dressed as a clown really does transform the space and contribute to creativity within the context of conflict resolution and peacebuilding.

For the past two years I have attended this rally as a clown. See here. The experience is always rewarding and such a blast.

The impetus behind clowning for peace is in essence celebration. Protests in DC are rare moments in this city when people join together and express their commitment to create a more peaceful world. The energy is palpable. Often people’s need to make their voices heard can get bogged down in anger and pain. This is completely understandable. Unfortunately, it creates a sense of panic and confusion for me and others I know. We begin to wonder what the point of a rally/protest really is. Clowning for me has been a way to address that issue. The mere presence of a clown, I have noticed, transforms the space for people into one of celebration, curiousity, innocence and joy.

At the most recent rally, hosted by Jon Stewart, I organized fifteen clowns to march to the mall. In the spirit of Jon Stewart’s rally, we held true to form and remained comedic. For the Answer Coalition rally, I was thinking I could experiment by adding another layer to the circus. What would it look like if a handful of us volunteered to give up the Saturday before the rally to create a piece of devised theater to bring along?

The idea is this: based on the theories and practices of Augusto Boal, we spend an afternoon exploring personal stories that connect us to this march for peace. Using these stories, we create a piece of theater that will move as we move, as clowns. I don't know that it will be linear, we may just work on characters and repitive moments/images that we perform throughout the day.

Above all, the final product should be fun for us and those that see it –in addition, engaging, thought-provoking, beautiful, and motivated by the personal experiences that we, the clowns, bring to the story.

So, as of late February and several hundred email and forum postings, I have around five expressions of interest and I am continuing to put my feelers out there. You can see the promotion I'm using below. I'm passing it around the theater and peacebuilding communities of DC.

It will take more than just me to pull this off though...feeling vulnerable. Are there any other arts activists out there that are willing to take this on? It's a big ask. First of all, clowning in public is pretty intense. Secondly, to try to create something with substance? And then add a layer of humor to it? I am so utterly eager to see what will come out of the other end of this one.

The Sector Project: a paradoxical curiosity

2011-01-24T14:03:00.000-08:00

In late February, my colleague and I are embarking on our first ever military civilian dialogue that will take place out of the comfort of American University. We are eager, excited, full of great ideas and frankly scared as hell. That's our cool logo that someone created pro bono for us!!

Yesterday , we took a personal day from work to sit in on a similarly minded (or so we thought) conference. For the sake of confidentiality I won't mention where it took place or who organized it, but I will say that I walked away reeling with surprise at just how far, we in this cross sector field, have to go. The event was organized mainly by military personnel, so the agenda ran sharply, the room was full of impressive high ranking folks and the conversation revolved around the way in which logistically military and civilian NGO's can most effectively collaborate on a certain very specific issue: humanitarian natural disaster relief. This was not what was advertised. Looking back over the description of the event we found the following message: The conference will bring together representatives from the defense, development and diplomacy communities for discussions on how we can better work together to accomplish development goals. This dialogue will inform our collective efforts as we seek to mitigate human suffering both in a deliberate proactive fashion, and in response to crisis, to best help those in need.

Instead, the day basically consisted of a purely logistical tactical discussion on how best to integrate navy medical ships in and around humanitarian crises.

But the real hard questions, the real fundamental issues at hand were completely and totally ignored. My colleague and I were expecting to talk about issues like ethics, political agendas, financing rules and laws, public affairs/relations, the complications of chain of command (something they glossed over but never discussed), the handling of violence if/when a situation turns from humanitarian to armed conflict or policing, inter- and intra-agency competition and more.

I found myself at lunch huddled in a corner with the few NGO peeps that were in the room commiserating about the lack of any really true exchange taking place. I wondered if it was a similar feeling a military vet may experience when coming to a conflict resolution related conference? Or the upcoming dialogue that my colleague and I are working so hard to make inclusive to all.

One other development person in the room related a story about a large river with a high waterfall. At the bottom of this waterfall hundreds of people are working frantically trying to save those who have fallen into the river and have fallen down the waterfall, many of them drowning. As the people along the shore are trying to rescue as many as possible one individual looks up and sees a seemingly never-ending stream of people falling down the waterfall and begins to run upstream. One of other rescuers hollers "where are you going? There are so many people that need help here." To which the man replied, "I'm going upstream to find out why so many people are falling into the river. (I copied this version of the story from Prevention Connection)

I guess the way that story applies is that, in my opinion, the conference felt very much like we were all standing at the bottom of the river talking about how best to pull people out, when the major major issues at play between the defense and development communities were completely ignored/avoided or not considered important at all...

Towards the end of the day, a few NGO directors on projects that have successfully collaborated with the military gave presentations on their work with the military and it was nice to hear their stories. But both were health related NGO's and spoke largely of humanitarian operations.

What about Iraq and Afghanistan, where the vast majority of development/defense collaborations take place everyday? Is that conversation happening anywhere? If it is, it wasn't at this conference, and I am not sure why. If humanitarian operations for immediate disaster response is the only place the military sees room for the NGO community, what hope is there for cross sector multi track peacebuilding?

Conflict resolution practitioner, John Paul Lederach says in The Moral Imagination that in order to create true space for growth we must practice paradoxical curiosity, where two seemingly contradictory worlds can coexist. Beyond Intractability wrote a great summary of The Moral Imagination and paraphrases the idea here: The Practice of Paradoxical Curiosity: Cycles of violence are often driven by polarities. Choices about to respond to conflict are forced into either-or categories: you are either with us or against us. Moral imagination involves the capacity to rise above these divisions and reach beyond accepted meanings. Paradoxical curiosity is a matter of respecting complexity, seeking something beyond what is visible, and discovering what it is that holds apparently opposed social energies together. It involves accepting people at face value, and yet looking beyond appearances and suspending judgment in order to discover untold new angles, opportunities, and unexpected potentialities.

So maybe the lesson here for me, is how can I look beyond the appearances of the conference yesterday? What can I learn from the military community and how can I use that to learn and create more space for inclusivity? I shall ponder that.

I am eager to begin our dialogue, but the amount of outreach we have done in the military community, compared to the number of applications we have received has been disheartening. Our outreach has revolved around addressing:

• Career path motivations
• Power structures to implement change
• Peace-building: the various paths to peace
• Heroism: purpose, effect and your relation to the hero model
• Realism: the inevitability of violent conflict
• Protest: protesting war vs. protesting military
• Security: securing a sovereign nation

These are but a few of the major issues that I believe we must work through in a safe dialogical environment if the development and defense community are going to find room to coexist and collaborate. But that's just me. Maybe others believe we have to figure out a common language of operation before we can ever talk about any ethical/political kinds of things. My fear is that the defense community, in general, never wants to have these conversations.

Pushing on four walls

2011-01-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

I just had an amazing weekend full of challenges and groans. Groans of pain, pleasure, delight, anger, disgust, anguish and love. I took a buffooning class at The Center for Movement Theatre with Dody Disanto. Dody brought a special guest from New York, Eric Davis, aka The Red Bastard. Eric came down to stuffy DC to teach part of our class, but more importantly to share his show with the DC community. His show on Thursday was something I had never seen before. It was grotesque and wonderful. I was floored.

In a nutshell, and said in the most crude sense, buffooning is clowning on crack. We spent the weekend in incredibly uncomfortable costumes we had created that illustrated the buffoon that lives within us. My head was encased in a helmet, wrapped in a scarf, branches grew from my fingers and I had a nub of a tail pushing through my pants. Dody encouraged us to do what brings us joy. And when we loved it, to do it again. We were birthed into the existence of buffoon. I crawled and screamed through the weekend with other buffoons, creating a clan and exploring the vertical plane where buffoons exist.

And just as we reached a place of insanity, she encouraged us to shift, to find a place of stillness. Eric noted that buffooning is a constant cycle through 1. jubilee, 2. mysticism/love and 3. trickery/insanity. Each of the three require a different energy.

The magic of the buffoon is their free reign to outstay their welcome. To mock the audience. The perfect liar.

Now, as I sit in a coffee shop on this day off, a tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. I look at the world around me from a new lens. The animals that we are.

And so, here's to the buffoons. It has expanded my understanding of the world of clown. It has created a new found passion (as if I needed one more.) It makes me hungry to learn more.

I find myself going deeper into this rabbit hole of four walls: theater/arts for social change/conflict resolution/international development? I often wonder if it is a rabbit hole or just a series of random interests that I toggle between, that will never merge into one clear form. Will I never come out the other end?

I continue to search for the place where Boal and clown coexist. The world where the aesthetic brilliance meets the amateur raw truth. Where these two worlds merge and collide in a way that the witness cannot help but be drawn in, the way humans want to say hello to a sweet little kitten; where the innocence draws you in and the insanity keeps you there. But a place where, as Brecht says, catharsis eludes the spectator. Where, as Boal says, the onlooker becomes the spect-actor. And through this, society engages and finds a reason to create more space for compassion and listening in their lives. Where education meets beauty. And the educators are learning as they teach. The participants, through their performance, discover a new paradigm for creative problem solving. A new approach to the resolution of conflict. Am I simply describing really good theater, or does the theater community have something to take from the conflict resolution community? Can Bohm's theories, Boal's techniques and Lecoq's aesthetic coexist in one space? What the fuck does that look like?

How to Mount a Broken Heart

2010-10-19T17:42:00.000-07:00

Its been two years and some change since my brother was killed in Afghanistan, brave soldier, hero. My dad asked the military for another copy of the medals Jason was awarded on the day he died for myself and my sister. When they arrived in the mail my heart warmed to see them. After a little while, I couldn't look at them anymore. They made me sad. The medals have sat in my spare room for months. This weekend I finally decided to mount them, a purple heart and bronze star. I didn't realize what a strange experience it would be -mounting the medals of your dead brother; a mix between a leisurely craft project and a continous series of coarse kicks in the chest, head and heart.

Step 1. Gather necessary mounting supplies.

The whole time I had this dull throbbing sensation just behind the rib cage to the left, like my actual organ the heart was being squeezed. It lasted through out the entire project with waves of overwhelming grief and pride.

Step 2. Cut black paper into 4" by 6" dimension. Place double sided wall mounting stickies on the paper in the middle.

I kept thinking about the irony. These medals are for my brother. And yet I am mounting them. He would be so goddamn proud to mount those things himself. Would he have done it this way?

Step 3. Smoosh the medal onto the stickies. Hold.

Or would he have just popped open the cases and left them on his dresser to collect dust-throwing dirty laundry on top of them. Running in and out the room from one adventure to another hardly ever giving them a second thought

Step 4. Push the medal's pin into the back of the shadow box frame.

I felt cheated and proud all at once. I felt angry at the military for putting him in the line of fire and at the same time proud that they awarded him these. His bravery earned him these and cost him his life.

Step 5. Make sure you get the award and the pin even.

And yet, I have this feeling that he is/would be so proud to have them on display. I am so proud to have them on display. How many people have purple hearts hanging in their living rooms?

Step 6. Place it in the shadow box.

So, Jas, congratulations on your awards and your courage. I never doubted you had it in you. I'll mount them for you since you can't do it yourself. I miss you every day.

Gender, Bathrooms, and Drunk Jerks

2010-10-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that book from almost twenty years ago titled: There's a Boy in the Girl's Bathroom? It was one of the first books I ever finished cover to cover and I was 2nd grade. I remember feeling proud. Ever since I was little we were taught that boys go into the boy's room and girls go into the girl's room.

The other night I was in a crowded club and a group of friends were outside waiting for me. I wanted to hurry. I really hate making people wait. I rushed up to the bathrooms and there was one toilet marked men and one toilet marked women. The women's room was occupied and the men's room was open. A man stood outside the women's room. He looked over at me and said "I am NOT going in the men's room, but you can feel free to. I'll watch the door." So I did. To give the young effeminate man credit, the men's room was pretty gross. As I was in there I thought to myself how confusing gender can be. The line to the women's toilet was occupied by someone who was a man but preferred a cleaner restroom. Cleanliness is often attributed to a more feminine quality but it is not fair to attribute necessarily to women. Huh, wouldn't it be a great world, if all toilets instead read: Feminine/Masculine rather than Man/Woman?

After the mini-epiphany I washed my hands and heard some commotion out in the hall. Four men had come up to the line of the men's bathroom and had gotten news there was a woman in there. I could here them from inside, "What the hell is a woman doing in the men's bathroom? Man, that is fucked up!"

As I walked out of the bathroom, I came upon an onslaught of cuss words and middle fingers. "What the fuck are you doing in the men's bathroom?" "Get the fuck out of there!" "That is not your bathroom!" "Why don't you use your own bathroom!" "You're disgusting!" Four large men yelled down at me as I stood frozen in the doorway. I was speechless. Disgusted, embarrassed, confused, uncomfortable. They were clearly drunk. "Just get the hell out of the way." they said as I moved quickly past them.

This has stuck with me. It's been one week since this happened and I still can't come to peace with it. I just let it go. I walked away. I walked outside and told the friends I was with, who ironically were a group of four men as well. They shrugged it off and we walked away. What were they gonna do, go start a fight? And what could I have done? Called the police? Police! Police! Four men gave me the middle finger!

I wish I could tie this up with a nice reflective paragraph on the implications involved but instead I'll give it a Brechtian finale by leaving it unsettled and with a few questions for you all. What would have been the best response here? Just ignoring them? Does that give them the power? Should I not go in the boy's bathroom at all?

Shame, Love and Helplessness

2010-09-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I participated in something extra ordinary. Theater, military civilian relations and dialogue are three of my greatest interests and passions. I have never seen the three worlds collide. Until last night. I went to this event called Theater of War. Here's the website in case you want to know more. For the past two years, Theater of War, run by Bryan Doerries, have been touring the Western world putting on staged readings of Greek theater. Once the reading is over, they invite those affected by war (mainly veterans) to come on stage and share their reaction to the show. Act III, they invite the audience to respond with their reactions to the show. The entire event lasted three hours, which I think was too long. However I experienced a wide range of emotion last night and was quite intrigued.

One line in the staged reading Ajax by Sophocles, Tecmessa, Ajax's wife, is describing her grief as she watches her husband go through an ancient version of PTSD. She says, "twice the pain, twice the sorrow" and in that line she is referring to herself as a dependent and the pain she experiences is twice as much as her husbands. While in some ways this is not always true, there was a much larger point here that I appreciated being brought up. "Dependents", those of us affected by war through our loved ones, often experience twice the pain and sorrow as they do. It is very sorrowful and painful to go through a difficult time, but it is even more sorrowful sometimes to witness your loved one go through pain.

Anyway, the event was well organized, well executed. The actors were top notch. And the military crowd was very well spoken.

The one thing that I missed was inclusion of the civilian community. I appreciate the discussion around dependents, however even we are a small minority in the US. When it comes to military civilian dialogue, I often wonder where the civilian community comes in. Is the civilian role only to listen and validate? There was one man who voiced his concern over the reasons for going to war and while the moderator thanked him and validated him as a "concerned civilian" that was the end of the conversation. Was there no time to address these more complex issues? In the end the experience started to feel like a military propaganda production rather than one of the real hard conversations that need to happen. What if a large part of the grief experience by veterans is because they are not able to have those hard conversations about a lack of agency that they experience, that we as civilians experience. The feeling of helplessness and lack of agency is what I feel is the strong common unitor in this pain America is experiencing.

We constantly compartmentalize politics and military and often to our own detriment. As an outsider, I feel like the whole military system is set up in a way to completely abdicate authority and responsibility. Is my only role to be a cheerleader for the veterans? Is there not a bigger issue that we all face together?

Oh To Make the Children Laugh

2010-07-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

Gearing up. Weeks away from Separated at Birth's premiere. The process so far has been both excruciating and amazing. I was digging around online today and found this great quote from one of the father of clowning, Coco: “I tried to think of all the things I could do to make the children laugh” (Poliakoff 1941: 56)

Good advice as I continue on this journey of creating my clown for the show. I'd like to do some more in depth character development in the traditional Stanislavsky sense, but I'd also like to just think this through -all the things I can do to make the children laugh...my clown, yet to be named, commonly referred to as Intern/Young Professional lives somewhere in reality and the wild world of fantasy where the only objective in the world is to make children laugh.

What fun.

By the way, here's a link to the website for the dog and pony theater company that is putting on the show. Don't miss your connection!

Bottled Water

2010-07-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

Gawd. It is so hard not to drink bottled water. Let's really try not to.

Two Years Ago. In Memory.

2010-07-13T08:59:00.001-07:00

Nothing that comes out seems quite sufficient to express the pain.
To honor the memory. I like this picture because it's the most recent new picture of Jason. New pictures are like a breath of fresh air.
New stories are like a brief respite.
And there are so many layers of stories here.
Jason, the artist.
Jason, the fuck up.
Jason, the defender of freedom.
Jason, the confused young boy.
Jason, the killer.
Jason, the soldier.
Jason, the hero.

And the more stories, the more pictures, the more clear it becomes that he is not here with us.
The stories and pictures are like drugs --temporary relief to deal with the pain that my brother is gone.

And so two years with out you Jason and life moves on. As peaceful and gentle as it always has, no matter how much I fight it. The sun rises, the birds sing, the rains come and go. And I keep realizing, every day, in a new way, that you are not coming back.

I've been reading Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart over the past few months and realizing that this pain, this loss is not something to run from but something to embrace.

A little quote for those of you who may find comfort here.

When Things Fall Apart
"We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that’s death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. It doesn’t have fresh air. There’s no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because sooner or later, we’re going to have an experience we can’t control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love is going to die, we’re going to find out we have cancer, a brick is going to fall out of the sky and hit us on the head …

The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100% healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.

To be fully alive, fully human and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that’s life.”

- Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart, pp. 71-72

Electron Boy --A Seattle Hero

2010-05-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog about a year ago, I did it to highlight all the superheros in the world. The story this article tells is amazing. And what's more --it happened in my city. Seattle. It's about a little boy with cancer who got his wish to come true. He was a superhero for a day. So here is to Electron Boy. Thank you for saving Seattle.
Local boy with cancer turns into a superhero for a day

Clowning for Peace. What's with the clown get up?

2010-03-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this weekend was host to a myriad of protests: anti war (which I was at), then immigration and then the tea bagging nuttos freaking out about the health care bill. Which passed! Dan and I sat up late watching CSPAN as they counted the votes. Exciting!

Anyway, the protest I was at was the March to Stop the Wars. I dressed as a clown again. Just so much fun. This time my friend Alison came along. She wasn't so much into the politics but thought it would be a fun time. She really reminded me just how joyful clowning can be and just how essential the joy of clowning is to my 'mission.'

Lots of people ask, "Why the clown get up?" What's this political clowning all about? People tend to take politics very seriously --especially war. War is not a funny subject. One woman was doing a little political theater of her own at the protest and was dressed as a Muslim woman with a bloody baby in her arms. That's the kind of political theater most people expect. Big skeleton heads and such. Wringing the neck of Dick Cheney puppets. We saw all of these things at the protest.

Well, the clowning makes more sense for me because I dont see these events as protests against war but rather demonstrations for peace.

My brother died in July 2008 as a soldier in Afghanistan.

I think in the years before his death, he was exploring creative alternatives to war through film and photography. And I want to do the same in my life. For me, the creative fascination is not with film or video but with clowning. I want to honor this part of his story by exploring ways in which I feel passionate about creativity and art.

I feel strongly that peace will only come through alternative avenues of conflict resolution and the process of finding these alternative to violence requires an immense amount of creativity. When I want to resolve a conflict, my first reaction is often violent. I want to blame, I want to scream. I want to fight. And that is fine. However, it's just interesting that is the same method (to a lesser degree) that creates war. So clowning is not clowning against war but rather clowning for peace. Clowning is a reminder to laugh and forgive. To not take life so terribly serious. To be honest about our emotions and live in the present moment. Mark Twain said it best when he said, "The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that's laughter. The moment it arises, all our hardness's yield, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place"

(More great clowning quotes here)

So many of my pro peace friends don't show up at protests/demonstrations anymore because they think they are useless. And in many ways that's true. Many people say, "I would go if they were like the protests in the 60's when there was so much more at stake. Protests today have become so mainstream. Nothing comes of it."

But my personal opinion is that every time I show up at a protest, not only am I physically exercising my creative approach to peacebuilding, I am recharging by surrounding myself with a community who cares deeply about their voices being a part of change. Just showing up to march peacefully is a creative alternative to war. Just showing up. I go to interact with other people in my city who feel strongly about their cause and who believe in the power of community organization. I go to feel inspired by the people that are actively physically present. I go to celebrate this community. No matter how angry and confused these people may be. I go to celebrate them.

And what better way to celebrate this community than to clown for them? This time, I created peace skirts that had hundreds of little "peace fortunes" taken from Louise Diamond's Peace Book. Anyone that approached us for a picture or to say we looked great, we offered them a peace fortune. "Listen, really listen" "Create Peace Corners" "See Yourself as the Other" and on and on.

We also focused on finding the cutest boys in the protest and offering them peace fortunes. Cause I mean really, how often do you get to shamelessly hit on beautiful men and have them laugh in such embarrassment and delight. It was freaking awesome.

For me, it does little good to be angry at these protests. If anger motivates people to advocate for peace, then that is wonderful. However, what if we used these demonstrations as ways to talk about everything we've achieved and talk about strategic ways to continue to organize rather than spout anti Obama rhetoric and swear at an empty Haliburton office?

So, anyway, that's why I clown for peace.

Cauliflower Au Gratin

2010-02-22T10:11:00.001-08:00

I think I'm scarring my boyfriend.
He has started saying, "Oh I am craving some stress foods." Or "Let's go out and get some stress foods!"
And he means like eggs and potatoes. =)

Potatoes are not always the best to cook with, high stress foods and all.
So I made Au Gratin this weekend with Cauliflower.
And it is good!

I found the recipe on Eating Well.com
Skillet Cauliflower Gratin
And you can do it vegan, quite easy too.
I used soymilk instead of regular.
But did not skimp of the cheddar.
Oh hell no.

I poured it over buckwheat since it was very creamy and rich. It serves as a sauce for a grain quite nicely.

Quinoa is Quooolll!

2010-02-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

Well this self healing is quite the process. The entire office smells of coffee and I'm twitching. I want coffee! Haven't had coffee in a while.....

Coffee is an expanding food. It makes me expand so much that I feel like I grow wings. I guess its the caffeine. Reminds me of the Red Bull commercials. Clever marketing. Since caffeine literally does expand you. You feel like you're gonna fly..
Huh...

Foods help us expand and contract. The world runs on a cycle of growth and death. Open and close. In and out. So, it is no surprise that food will do the same. Some foods such as alcohol, coffee, sugar, fruits, and even tomato and potato are incredibly expanding. They are the foods you want to eat on a hot summer day to expand out into the sunshine.

Then on the other end of the 180 degree scale you've got contracting foods. The foods you want to eat on a cold winter day. Beef, eggs, oil. Salt. Miso, even. But like any scale, some foods expand and contract your chi/energy more than others. A big burger is going to be more contracting than a plate of eggs. And a plate of eggs will be more contracting than a bowl of miso soup.

So. You can guess the same will apply to the expanding side. Alcohol will expand you into a million tiny pieces. Coffee does a nice job of it too. So does sugar.
So our life is about balance. The balance of the happiness with the pain. The confusion with the clarity and the expanding with the contracting. So, when we eat a big burger we crave a nice shake or coke to balance us out.

If I eat a huge plate of chicken with all sorts of salt and pasta and then wake up the next morning with an uncontrollable urge for coffee or sugar, no wonder. My body is craving balance.

The problem with eating at these extremes (contracting meat and expanding sugar) is that it creates of lot of work for our body. Our body is working to balance back and forth back and forth. Imagine one of those metronomes on high. Tick tock tick tock. Rapidly flying back and forth. Its crazy hard to keep up. But if we continue to eat lots of red meat and oils, then its only natural our body will crave the sugar and alcohol. It needs to feel balance. Pretty interesting stuff, huh?

The Self Healing Cookbook is introducing new recipes that allow us to live and eat away from the edges of the scale. It's an education on the old phrase: "We are what we eat" We start to tick tock, to balance out on a more simple rhythym. You have some contracting whole grains and tofu and balance it with some expanding fruits.

So, I've been feeling great. And its definitely an adjustment as well. But rather than saying, "I'm not going to have coffee because I think it's bad for me" I say, "I'm not going to have coffee because I dont want to move too far to the edge of the scale. I dont need to expand out that far. I feel just great right here."
After a while, the chi that is generated by living in the middle begins to grow and grow. It feels great....

And in this snack saturated consumer market, its not easy. And it doesn't mean I'm not still eating sugar, meat, alcohol, oil, and dairy. I am.
But they do not make up my life. They are treats. I am living in the middle scale area and every time I choose to eat a high stress food, I do it intentionally and understanding what it is.

Anyway, the point of this post was to share a Quinoa Salad recipe my dear friend Lisa and I came up with the other night. It's good!!

Quinoa is Qool

Cup of Quinoa
Handful of chopped cashews
Handful of chopped raisans
Two green onions
Lemon Juice
Salt and Peppah.
So, for every one cup of Quinoa, you need 2.25 cups of water. Let the water boil, toast the quinoa in a seperate pan. Just roll the quinoa around on med high heat for about five to seven minutes till it gets toasted. Yummy.
Once the water boils throw the quinoa in there. Cook on low, covered for twenty.
Chop up nuts and fruit and green onion. Toss it all together.
Add salt and pepper and lemon.

The thing that turned this salad from tasty treat to heavenly was a recipe we got from the Self Healing Cookbook. It's a Tahini Dressing.
Let's see if I can remember the recipe..

3 Tblspn Tahini
1 Tblspn Olive Oil
2 Tblspn White Miso
1.5 Tblspns of Lemon Juice
1/2 cup of water
Handful of chopped basil (parsley or cilantro would work too)
Salt and pepper.

Drizzle that dressing on the Quinoa salad. omg. yum.
Top it with sprouts. Why not?

Snowy snow snowballs and ironic irony

2010-02-10T19:51:00.000-08:00

Wooooheee. 14" at American University. SNOW. Hoooo! Haven't been to work since Thursday. Not going tomorrow either. This is craziness.
Looks like its gonna calm down a bit but its still quite windy. I've been at home. Cooking lots of good food.
Self Healing Cookbook is going strong.
Made a nice aduki bean, vegan sausage, mustard greens soup. Ate it for two days. Dan liked it too. Also made a real tasty dressing for a salad. Here's the recipe:

Yummy Creamy Vegan Dressing

4 oz of tofu
1 clove of garlic
(steam 'em for about three minutes and no more, then throw 'em in the blender)
Also put in a tblspn of sesame oil, tblspn of lemon juice, 1/3 cup of water, tblspn of light miso and four or five sprigs of parsely.
Dash o salt and pepper. Make sure you've got the sea salt stuff. It's better for you.
And whip it. Blend it. Grind it.
For just a minute.
Yummmy, creamy. Healthy dressing.
Keeping that chi in balance.

Happy snow storming.
Oh and I've just got to post our famous video.
A few friends of mine and I made this video when we were snowed in this weekend. We're working on another now. My dear girl Alison Hanold edited it and its kindof had a mini following on some DC blogs like Kojo Nnamdi, Washington City Paper and Prince of Petworth. That's no small thing. There's been like 1,500 views! Ha!
It's like raiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn on yer weddin day.

Detox

2010-02-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

Phew.
Wow.
So, this book is really having an effect on me.
I mean, this idea --that greasy sugary food is not the answer to fixing my moods but rather the source of my mood swings, really has some leverage.
And I'm talking from a little experience now.
Now, granted, I'll be the first "work" follower to tell you its not about what you eat but what you believe about your story.
However, can't it be both?
Cause I'm finding it is.
This weekend I didn't drink any caffeine. That was tough. I had a pretty noticeable headache on Saturday but nothing compared to my typical headaches from no caffeine.
I cooked this butternut squash sauce that was real good.
Here's the recipe:
3 T Sesame seeds, roasted over medium heat until they smell toasty
Throw 'em in the blender with a T of miso paste and a cup of butternut squash. Also a dash of cinnamon. (and a smidge of water, not too much)
The result was a very tasty sauce that I put on brown rice with some collard greens. Not the most amazing flavorful meal but a nice calm tasty filling meal.

The key here is that whenever I feel hungry or craving something, I can fulfill that craving. If I want something sweet, I can. If I want something filling, I can.
It's just a matter of staying in the middle ground of food and not flying from one side of the yin yang meter.
It's really quite a simple lesson but so fascinating.
It is important however, to have occasional treats.
I think I would whither up and die if I always ate in the middle of the yin yang.
Or atleast until I become a better self healing cook.
There is a local Japanese Market on the same block as our new condo.
SWEET!
Dan and I went shopping there last night. We got a handful of cool stuff like, smoked dried squid (soup tonight!)
and Umeboshi Plums.
Those look like pretty tasty little things.

Holier than your hamburger

2010-01-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

So, one of the things that stops me up from making the decision to eat more healthy, is the "holier than thou" complex that I perceive in a lot of my vegan, vegetarian friends. I dont want none of that.

I'm afraid of the person I'll become if I make that choice. I was watching my boyfriend polish off his possibly fifth or sixth diet coke of the day and had this, "holier than thou" moment and I caught myself. Wait a second. Why am I doing this? Is it some sort of power trip?

It's important that I make sure that's not the reason.

I read Chapter 2 in the Self Healing Cookbook last night and while I enjoyed it, it felt very "holier than thou" disguised in a "go ahead! eat whatever you want" attitude. For instance, all the recipes in the book are dairy free. That's cool. Except she talks about how dairy is okay in small doses. Small doses? What does that mean?!

However, just because she lays out vague guidelines doesn't make her self righteous. In fact, the opposite could easily be argued. The more I think about this, the more I think I'm probably projecting this one. I don't think self righteousness is a prerequisite to eating healthy. But it is something I'd like to notice and not embrace.

As with anything in life, whether it's doing homework, working out, biking to work, or even drinking beer, pre marital sex, watching TV. Any action taken, I experience some type of internal struggle to calibrate myself with society. The outcome can often result in judgement. So be it. As long as I can embrace it for what it is.
So onward.

The second issue at hand is the abstinence vs. occasional treats vs. occasional slip ups. If I really make a commitment to eat more healthy and conscious and base my diet on the recipes in this book and listen to my body more, I have to make this decision.

Do I choose:

A) ABSTINENCE. Go full force. Vow complete abstinence from all the foods the "holy book" says no to.

B) OCCASIONAL TREATS. Everytime I eat a food that falls into the "expanding" or "contracting" stress categories (more on that later), I think of it as a treat. Like a dog gets a bone. Ugh.

C) OCCASIONAL SLIP UP. Aim for abstinence but allow myself to mess up every once in a while. This is the classic vegan line, "Ya, I'm vegan but I occasionaly slip up." (please god, never let eating cheese be considered a slip up in my life, let accidentally forgetting to water the plant, or killing my goldfish by feeding it pot cookies or breaking a window from throwing my friend in it out of jest, but never never eating cheese)

So to decide:

Option C feels full of stress and the whole point of the book is to regulate moods with foods. To stop swinging from extremes of fat to sugar to fat to sugar.
The theory is that these expanding and contracting foods send us on a pendulum of mood and physical extremes.
Eating more within a "middle path" allows us to live a more balanced life.

Option B seems more realistic but its finding the right amount of treats to give myself. That's going to be tough....I'll try it for now. I don't know if I'm going to be able to treat these things as treats. They will become slip ups fast. And I foresee myself spiraling into guilt.

Option A. Hmmm, couldn't do it with sex, don't think its gonna happen with food either.

Happy Friday!
Jesus is eating a hamburger ha!
Now, who's holy?!?

Wakame

2010-01-28T06:35:00.000-08:00

So I cooked a self healing dinner last night. Fresh miso soup with unpasteurized miso, carrots, seaweed (!), kale and onions. Chard with olive oil and sesame seeds and millet.
Millet.
Tastes like grits without the scrapple.
=)
Oh and baked, dill, sea salt, olive oil basted sweet potatoes.
The whole thing took me a little under an hour.
In my new kitchen I might add.
Which is twice as small as my old one.
Sigh.
But it's mine.
The seaweed was of the wakame version.

It was so hard at first so I had to soak it in water (per Self Healing Cookbook's recommendation.) It softened rigth up and I was able to cut it.
Anyway the meal was good!
And it felt so good to eat it.
As soon as we finished eating I ran to the bathroom....
I'll spare you the details but I think it was a truly cleansing experience.
We were both stuffed. Dan was impressed.
And I've got leftovers.
Oh and the carpet is being installed in our condo today!
That's huge!!!

By the way, searching for a picture of Wakame online I found this recipe. I want to try it tomorrow:

Simple Wakame Salad

1 clove garlic, grated
1/2 teaspoon grated ginger
1/2 avocado
Bragg's to taste
3 cups greens (sunflower, buckwheat, spinach, lettuce, etc)
1 cup soaked wakame seaweek
optional: tomatoes, walnuts, pecans, almonds or pine nuts

Grate the ginger and garlic. In a small bow, mash the avocado, ginger, garlic and Bragg's together. Break greens and wakame up into bite size pieces. Toss all ingredients together thoroughly.

Thank you Living Foods for the recipe
http://www.living-foods.com/recipes/wakamesalad.html

Chipotle!

2010-01-27T11:15:00.001-08:00

My co worker came in with Chipotle.
It smells so effing good.
The cream.
The chicken.
The....oh man...
Dying......
Chipotle is self healing, isn't it?

A Self Healing Adventure

2010-01-27T09:29:00.000-08:00

So, its been months since I've been blogging.
Took a trip to the west coast, moved out of one apartment and into a new condo.
Dan keeps calling me homeowner. "How's it going, homeowner?" That's me. A big homeowner.
One of the nasty side effects of this whole prestigious homeowner process has been living between two houses for months. We've finally got our kitchen nearly all moved in and I'm ready to start cooking for myself again!
I found a book, "The Self Healing Cookbook" on a display of bread the other night at WholeFoods and just whimsically bought it. I'm down to the last few hundred dollars in my bank account, but nevertheless I bought it.
Read the first chapter last night and I'm excited to get started. Dan has agreed to put up with dinner in a self healing style as long as when he gets to work he can order bacon egg sandwiches and diet coke all day long. I agreed.
So in the spirit of Julie and Julia and all you vegans out there, off I go.
A self healing journey.
No coffee this morning.
Black tea and soy milk in replacement of creamer.
Had a few coffee cravings this morning but got my caffeine fix so it wasn't so bad. Just the smell. Of fresh roasted folger. KSsshhhh...
The best part of waking up is....
Ahem.
For lunch I had black bean soup. It was spicy. And good.
I had to eat an hour early though cause I was hungry. I think coffee usually suppresses my appetite.
I've stocked my fridge with greens, grains, miso paste and seaweed. (These are foundational elements to the healing)
Let it begin.

Emin and Adnan In Prison

2009-11-11T10:19:00.001-08:00

So the verdict is in.
Emin and Adnan are officially hooligans.
At a loss here on what to say.
Supposedly social media had a role in putting them behind bars, a role in getting the word out on the street about the injustice but was unable to change the minds of the corrupt Azerbaijan legal system.
Dont mess with Ilham.
I dont mean to be flippant about this. These guys are going through some serious life changing heart breaking times right now. My thoughts are with their families and them.
Here is a link to an article that details more as I'm left with little to say: http://su.pr/1ac2gD.

Poetic Social Mission

2009-10-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last week Cirque Du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte traveled into space in order to bring attention to environmental issues. He was just one part of a huge international performance. You can watch the entire show here: http://premium.onedrop.org/. This event is a beautiful example of the power of collaboration on a global level. And there was a clown in space. Whaaaaat?!?!

Glenn Beck. My hero. Ahem

2009-10-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

So, now, in some strange way....this guy...I have some weird fascination with him. I think its the clown in me. You can see it in his eyes. He's like a little six year old that just slapped the dog and everyone around is laughing. He's realized that people want to watch his train wreck show because it is in essence a train wreck. He's like a big dumb six year old. Sigggghhhhh.

Just clownin around!

2009-10-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

Went to the National Equality March yesterday downtown DC. Whattablast! So many people. Such great reactions to the clowning.

Hero and Still a Babe

2009-10-08T07:37:00.001-07:00

This is pretty great.
It's also interesting to note that she's in better shape than atleast one of those porkers out there drowning in the water.

Nicole Eggert is BACK IN BAYWATCH! from Nicole Eggert

Webb: U.S. Central Command Commits to Independent Investigation into the Battle of Wanat

2009-10-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

SO THE SENATE IS OPENING AN INVESTIGATION ON THE BATTLE OF WANAT WHERE MY BROTHER WAS KILLED.
WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN FOR MONTHS...
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR IT MIGHT COME TRUE.
IM GLAD THIS IS HAPPENING.
I DO WONDER WHAT WILL COME OF IT.

For Immediate Release:
Contact: Jessica Smith-202-228-5185
Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Webb: U.S. Central Command Commits to Independent
Investigation into the Battle of Wanat
Senator called for examination of actions taken at
each level of the chain of command

Washington, DC - Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) announced today that the U.S. Central Command will investigate the facts and circumstances surrounding the combat action that occurred July 13, 2008, at Wanat Village in Afghanistan’s Nuristan Province. On July 9, 2009, Senator Webb called for an investigation into the engagement which resulted in a 75 percent casualty rate for the 2nd Platoon, Chosen Company, 2nd Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment (Airborne), 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team (CJTF-101).

According to the U.S. Central Command, Gen. David Petraeus has appointed Lt. Gen. Richard F. Natonski, commander of the U.S. Marine Corps Forces Command, to lead the investigation which “will address issues that have arisen since the completion of an earlier Army investigation and also address circumstances beyond the tactical level.”

Senator Webb responded: “Nearly three months ago, I wrote to the Department of Defense inspector general to request an independent examination of the actions taken at each level of the chain of command during the Battle of Wanat. This battle resulted in the deaths of nine soldiers and the wounding of an additional 27. Allegations of negligence at senior levels in the chain of command were brought to my attention. It is important that they be addressed.

“For these reasons, a more thorough and independent investigation is necessary to establish the facts, resolve any question of command accountability, and determine if there are lessons for future operations in Afghanistan. We owe the families of those killed and wounded nothing less.”

A copy of Senator Webb’s July 9, 2009, letter to the Department of Defense inspector general may be found at http://www.webb.senate.gov/pdf/DODIGJuly_9_2009.pdf

A Moroccan Ride

2009-09-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

I've been busy catching up. I did want to share a few stories from Morocco.
Maybe I'll just share my favorite. Its called: "The little effeminate performance artist that rightfully stole $12 from me."
This was at the Djeema Al Fna, the crazy cirque square in Marrakesh where you can find snake charmers, monkeys, bands, palm readers, henna ladies, fresh squeezed OJ, snails. Oh. What a place. This was our last stop in Morocoo and we stopped by a large crowd of people where a thin little man with dark leathery skin was popping his hips from left to right as the crowd cheered. Apparently dancing like a woman when you're a man is a freak show in Marrakesh. Up there with snakes and monkeys.
Anyways, I loved it. A little Moroccan man nearly nude dancing around. I was watching him smiling and he sidled up to me asking for money. The crowd turned and starred. Being a rich American who had just returned from the ATM all I had was 100 dirhams. He said, "I have change" (in English.) So I fished around in my pocket and dug out 100. Little did I know when I handed him the bill a) I'd never see it again b) I was the main attraction fo the night. Step right up, ladies and gentleman! Come see the stupid American who thinks she's getting her change back.
After the crowd broke out into applause, the little dancing man ran around in delight and I realized I was never seeing my "change," we all settled down for him to crawl under my legs and take a few pictures. That was one of the last exciting adventures in Morocco. Come to think of it, every other exciting adventure story also has a getting wripped off theme. Like the time we got a great deal on a hotel recommended in the Lonely Planet and the employees broke into our room and stole our camera. Or what about the time we stopped on the side of the road to take pictures of the goats that live in trees only to realize the shepherd was hand placing the goats in the trees himself. The stories go on and on, just like the hills of the Sahara. Glad to be home. Had quite the trip.

All in good fun

2009-08-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

Just spent the past few weeks in Morocco on vacation. Ill write more with some pictures later. It was a wild time. I'm crazy busy at work trying to catch up but I loved this so much I had to post it.

Jason --Even the Seattle Times Says You're a Hero

2009-07-31T06:42:00.001-07:00

take ten minutes to read this if you want.
Army missteps left troops in Afghanistan open to deadly attack, study reveals
its a good article.
i love how it paints jason as the hero.
i guess in a lot of ways he was.
one part explains how "insurgents" dragged his body from the area
but a lot of the soldiers that were there said they're pretty sure he jumped out all rambo style.

i had a dream about him last night. we were under siege in a house and we jumped in a car to get away. and then it repeated and we had control over it and we were doing different things but different outcomes were happening. we had the power to learn from the past but once we made a new decision it changed the course of events and our power was then useless.

my mom, dad, sister, aunt and uncle and jason all jumped in a car to escape. he just seemed so chill about the whole thing like he was just silently watching all of us smiling and enjoying the ride. woke up to this article in my inbox.
CBS called my mom, they want to fly her out to DC to do a special news bit with her.

so many emotions here.
thanks for listening.
times like these i don't know what to do with this stuff.

Vive El Burro!

2009-07-24T11:49:00.001-07:00

This is for Emin and Adnan who are currently in jail in Azerbaijan for getting beat up. That's right. First they practiced their freedom of speech, then they got beat up for it. Then they got arrested for getting beat up.
Bu Azerbaycandir. (That's Azerbaijan for ya.)

Here's the story:
Emin and Adnan. They're two activists from Azerbaijan that were arrested a few weeks back and there is a big activist push going on online. One feature is a website that posts support videos with people saying, "we support you guys, az gov't let 'em go."
That's what we did up there.

For more details, here is an article about the guys that Global Voices Online superstar blogger Onnik Krikorian wrote.

Oh and best of all:
Here's the video that got them arrested, hence Justin's ironic comment, "Vive El Burro."

More Evidence of a Corrupt Military Operation

2009-07-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

The Battle of Wanat was evidence of a larger major counterinsurgence failure...not sure how to feel about that. Angry. Sad. Confused. Definitely not suprised. Foreign Policy Magazine's recent report pffers some sober details: http://tinyurl.com/m44v62.

I flew out to Seattle to spend some time with family on July 13th. It sucked. I loved seeing everyone but it was really freaking intensely painful. So depressing it reverberated out into my life for the past few weeks. I am torn now between two paths where I want to honor Jason's courage and bravery and let sleeping dogs lie and the other path of wanting to hold people accountable for their dumb decisions. The thought that these guys shouldn't have died is...such a hard one to deal with. Because reality argues otherwise. Reality argues that they should have died, because they are dead. So arguing with that creates a massive hell storm in my life. However reality does not prove that I should not be investigating and raising a fuss about what happened. Reality does not dictate if the senior military officials who made these STUPID decision should continue to make more stupid decisions. And if I can do anything to change the course of the future and make sure these stupid decisions don't happen again, then I should probably call Senator Webb's office today. In the meantime, how do I go on with the confusion between respecting reality and working to influence the outcome of the future. A strange mix.

And in addition to all this, my little nephew Isaac Jason Martindale is the joy of our lives. Here's video of him from earlier this month that I made:

Down the aisle dance video

2009-07-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

Oh. Ugh. So sweet. It made me cry!

Something to Write About

2009-07-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

I wrote to my Senator today.
I also wrote to the Department of Defense Office of Inspector General.
If some good came out of Jason dying with eight other boys, its that the collective unit of people grieving together is larger than most. And that's really the extent of the good that came out of Jason dying with eight other boys that I care to think about.
One of the boys Jonathan Brostrom's father Dave Brostrom is an ex military man and also a very sharp engaged man. He is the one who called for the review of the events that led to the July 13th attack and is continuing to pressure the military to learn from their mistakes. So far, not much has happened in terms of policy changes surrounding the way those boys were basically thrown into a lion's den.

The line between blame and action is a thin one and all of the surviving family members who choose to get involved skate this line as well as the line between healing the wounds and rehashing them so that they come gushing open and overwhelming our lives. It is good that this is happening only now. It has been nearly one year and I am able to process this in a somewhat rational way. If it had been any earlier, I don't know that I would have been able to.
I've written to Senator Webb and the DOD IG.
I've based both emails off the following letter that Dave Brostrom crafted with such care.

My hope by the end of the week is to create a NING site and invite all the family members to join it and share their contribution to the actions taking place around raising awareness for the mishandling of this day.

More to come later.
I'm feeling the self righteous preaching rising up in my throat, so I better stop here.

Here's Dave Brostrom's wonderful letter. And above is a picture of his son Jonathan Brostrom who was killed that morning alongside Jason.

I can only hope that Jason agrees with it and that I'm not working against his memory but rather supporting it.

***********************************************************************
Senator Webb,
The Army has submitted their investigation on Wanat to the DoD IG-no
word yet on the results. I requested the DoD IG sequester the Historical
Study that is being pursued by the Army's Fort Leavenworth Combat
Studies Institute which I feel has uncovered some significant facts not
included in the original 15-6 investigation. I met with CSI in March
2009; and discussed the ongoing study with historians there at that time
and subsequently.
After discussions with CSI it is my opinion that there was a serious
senior leadership failure by the Battalion, Brigade, Assistant Division
and Division Commanders that directly contributed to the deaths of the 9
US soldiers and the 27 wounded of 2nd Platoon Chosen Company 2/503rd ABN
Battalion. Below are short comments as to why:
LACK OF LEADERSHIP OVERSIGHT - Wanat was part of the larger Battalion
mission called "Operation Rock Move". This operation had multiple
complex missions that required the direct oversight of the Battalion,
Brigade and Division Commanders. Occupation of Wanat and construction of
a large Combat Outpost was a critical mission task. At no time during
the occupation before the actual fighting started at Wanat did the
leadership from the Battalion, Brigade or Division visit Wanat to assess
the situation on the ground. My opinion is that the senior leadership at
all levels became overwhelmed and overcommitted leading to a severe
sense of complacency toward the mission in Wanat.
LACK OF RISK MANAGEMENT - Operation Rock Move was briefed by the
Battalion and Brigade Commander to the Assistant Division Commander
during a time when the entire 173rd was conducting a very complex
Replacement and Transfer of Authority to a Brigade from Fort Riley
Kansas. A RIP/TOA demands the focused attention of the entire NCO and
Officer Leadership at all levels of command. There is no indication that
the Division or Brigade took additional measures to reduce the risk to
the troops on the ground and help focus the Battalion and Brigade
Leadership on Operation Rock Move versus the Transfer of Authority.
Sworn statements from the Battalion Commander indicate that the only
risk reduction measure taken was to assign the Chosen Company Commander
to oversee the occupation and construction of the COP at Wanat. The
Company Commander did not show up on site at Wanat until late in the
afternoon on the 12th of July-hours before the attack.
IGNORING INTELLIGENCE - Statements gathered by CSI indicate that the
Battalion, Brigade and Division senior leadership were briefed on the
heavy concentration of enemy insurgent fighters (in the hundreds) in and
around the village of Wanat days before the attack began. Statements
taken by CSI from intelligence officers who were assigned to the 2/503rd
Battalion S-2 indicate that their warnings and intelligence estimates
were ignored by the senior leadership.
SHORTAGE OF CRITICAL DEFENSIVE RESOURCES - Critical defensive material
and heavy engineer support key to the construction of the combat outpost
at Wanat never arrived. This defensive material and heavy engineer
support if available at the time of the occupation would have saved many
lives by adding additional force protection. This lack of engineer
support caused the soldiers of 2nd Platoon to improvise and cut in half
HESCO's filling them by hand in order to provide some minimal force
protection in case of attack. Soldiers were also forced to focus more on
building a defensive perimeter rather than on critical security tasks
that could have provided early warning to the insurgent attack. The
defensive material and heavy engineer status should have been a
Commanders Critical Information Requirement that would have prompted
immediate senior leadership involvement. This lack of support was
reported by the 2nd Platoon but never acted upon by senior leadership to
mitigate an increasing risk to the mission.
LACK OF FOOD AND WATER - Soldier statements in the 15-6 and corroborated
by CSI indicate that the 2nd Platoon had to stop and minimize work
details on the defensive perimeter due to lack of water and food. While
eventually resupplied the lack of support from the Battalion HQ caused a
delay in force protection that contributed to the KIA and WIA on the
13th of July.
LACK OF ISR - Predator Support that was vital to validating intelligence
estimates and indentifying insurgent forces in close proximity to US
Forces was not available. The CJTF provided conflicting reasons to the
Congressional Inquiries why this support was not available .The initial
report from the CJTF said that the Predator was unavailable on the night
of the 13th of July due to weather. Another report said that the
Predator support was unavailable due to other higher priority missions.
The Brigade Commander stated that Predator support was never available
despite his requests. Statements provided to CSI indicate that the
Predator was pulled from supporting Wanat two days into the occupation
by the Assistant Division Commander of the CJTF due to lack of
intelligence indicating a imminent danger to US Forces. Further
investigation by CSI indicates that ISR assets were withdrawn on 12 July
but were available to the 173rd from 8 July to 12 July. CSI verified
that ISR assets were not available during the night of 12-13 July when
the ACM insurgents moved into their assault positions. The decision to
pull he Predator from the 173rd was adamantly protested by the Battalion
and Brigade staff officers. Despite a growing enemy threat and now lack
of overhead support there was no additional risk mitigation action taken
by the senior leadership at any level of command.
LACK OF RESPONSIVE ATTACK AVIATION - In response to Congressional
Inquiries the Apache Attack Helicopter support was reported by the CJTF
to have arrived at the Battle of Wanat at the normal and expected
response times. Evidence uncovered by CSI indicates that the generation
of Apaches was delayed by approximately 15 minutes and delayed again in
route. If the attack assets had arrived even 15 minutes earlier could
have saved lives. No attempt was made by the senior leadership to reduce
this response time due to the other critical elements of Operation Rock
Move increasing the risk of the mission (lack of heavy engineer,
defensive material and Predator). When the Congressional Inquiry asked
why the Apache's were not used to fly in and around Wanat at critical
times when the enemy normally attacks- the CJTF response was that it was
too risky to fly an attack helo in this type of profile. CSI interviews
with the Apache Bn Commander who was in support of Wanat on the 13th of
July stated that the Apache's were frequently used in deterrence
missions but in the Wanat case TF Bayonet (173rd Inf Bde) never
requested this type of support. The attack on the 2nd Platoon clearly
highlighted the fact that attack aviation resources were extremely
limited. There was no mention of this critical shortage of attack
aviation assets in the 15-6 investigation.
SENIOR NCO DOUBTS AND LACK OF PREPARATION - Majority of soldiers
interviewed to include senior NCO's of 2nd Platoon stated their
apprehension in conducting the mission to Wanat so close to redeployment
back to Italy. Preparation time for this complex mission was lacking.
One alarming deficiency was that there was no rehearsal supervised by
the Bn Cdr that would have identified and synchronized critical
resources required for the mission.
MIS-LEADING THE PUBLIC & NEVER TO RETURN - The Battalion, Brigade and
Division leadership purposely misled news media and family members by
publically stating that the mission of 2nd Platoon at Wanat was not to
construct a Combat Outpost. The 2nd Platoon mission was merely to
establish a routine Vehicle Patrol Base at Wanat to engage with the
local population in accordance with COIN Doctrine-no intent to construct
a full up Combat Outpost. To this day the Public Affairs Office of the
CJTF 101st publically profess that the occupation of Wanat by the 2nd
Platoon was just a Vehicle Patrol Base nothing more. Official engineer
documents, mission statements, troop task organization (heavy engineer
support) and statements from soldiers obtained from CSI clearly show
that the 2nd Platoon Chosen Company 503rd was ordered to Wanat with the
specific task to construct Combat Outpost Kahler at Wanat. Sworn
statements by the Company and Battalion Commander in the 15-6 verify the
mission was to construct a Combat Outpost. The Battalion Commander also
emphasized the significance of establishing a COP at Wanat as key to the
successful COIN strategy for the region. After 10 months of negotiating
with Wanat Village Elders and suffering the decimation of an entire US
Infantry Platoon the decision was made by the CJTF to never return to
Wanat as punishment to the local Afghan people.
NO CULTURAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL TRAINING -The 173rd Infantry Brigade
received no cultural, tactical or environmental training specific to
Afghanistan. The Brigade's training was focused on Iraq. Immediately
after completing their deployment train-up for Iraq the Brigade was
informed that they were to deploy to Afghanistan. A few of the officers
and NCO's had previous deployments to Afghanistan. However the majority
of soldiers, officers and NCO's who were going to engage with the Afghan
people on a daily basis were put at a distinct disadvantage.
LOOSING THE HEARTS AND MINDS & WARNINGS - Evidence uncovered from CSI
shows that the attack on the 2nd Platoon Chosen Company at Wanat could
have been heavily influenced by a US Army Attack Helicopter that had
engaged innocent civilians in the vicinity of COP Bella on the 4th of
July. Killed in the helicopter attack were numerous doctors, nurses and
children who were trying to evacuate Bella during a time when the 173rd
was also evacuating and closing COP Bella. The Closing of COP Bella was
one of the complex missions of Operation Rock Move. What is
disconcerting is that in the 15-6 out brief the 173rd Bde and 2/503rd
Inf Bn boost that they expended more ammunition, fired more artillery,
dropped more bombs and had more soldiers submitted for medals of valor
than any other unit ever deployed to Afghanistan. In the 15-6 out brief
there was no mention of number of villages won over by US Forces, number
of MEDCAPS, DENCAPS and other humanitarian support to the people of
Afghanistan. Findings by CSI indicate that the 173rd lost all of the
progress that the 10th Mtn had accomplished due to their heavy reliance
on Kinetic Diplomacy. My son also verified this on his return home in
May of 2008 stating that most engagements with the local population
resulted in a kinetic response with frequent bombing of villages causing
extensive collateral damage. My son also said that because of the
collateral damage to innocent civilians he was told by village elders at
COP Bella that there would be numerous revenge attacks on US Forces and
that his platoon once relocated to Wanat would be followed and attacked.

IGNORING THE REAL ISSUES -The 15-6 investigation findings and
recommendations were purposely written to cover up the majority of the
above major deficiencies. Most of these deficiencies were identified in
soldier testimony but omitted by the chain of command . Other issues
thought obvious were never included in the report. Both the Assistant
Division Commander and Division Commander CJTF signed the 15-6 agreeing
to its contents and findings.
v/r Dave Brostrom

MP3 Experiment

2009-07-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you mix social media organization with some serious creativity with New Yorkers?
Oh, this is awesome!!!
Improv Everywhere is a sharp bunch.

Are you afraid of clowns and WHY?

2009-06-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

Put that question up on my Facebook and G-Chat status and these were the replies:

Response #1
friend: I'm sorry, but yes, they do and I think it's because of the "stereotypical" smile painted on that is so exaggerated it is creepy.
but you do not scare me :)
me: Thanks for answering!
i know i dont!
friend: lol oh and of course "IT didn't help although that wasn't the start
me: right

Response #2
friend: john wayne gacy is a reason that clowns are scary to some people
me: and you?
friend: Im not scared of clowns, never said I was just feel like I get why some people are
me: cause they'll kill you? =)
friend: because you're hiding something
me: hmmm
friend: Insane Clown Posse gives that same feeling
and pop culture doesnt help - more images of IT than of genuine sweet funny clowns
me: right...

Response #3
I wouldn't say they SCARE me but they are a little bit intimidating. In the same way that I think mascots, Seafair pirates, mimes, and people in big animal costumes are intimidating. For some reason, it's just a little unsettling. Maybe it's because they're masked to some extent. Fear of the unpredictable and the unknown.

Sometimes I love it though. So, who knows.

Response #4
Yes and just because! lol ;)

Response #5
Yes. Just unsettling since they are a person hiding behind a mask or makeup. You can't see the person to know if you should run or smile.
I am better with mimes for some strange reason.

Then a friend sent me an article from the Stranger (a great Seattle paper)
The different kinds of people that there are
The article reviews differnt kinds of people who have different issues like fear of clowns. Generally a great article. Here's what they said about the clown thing:

People Who Claim to Be Afraid of Clowns

These people (and they are numerous) are attempting to cultivate a cute quirk, but they are really just aping a cute quirk cultivated by thousands of cute-quirk-cultivators before them in a giant, gross, boring feedback loop. Yes, clowns can be mildly creepy. But come on. Among the many things that are scarier than clowns: fire, earthquakes, a guy with a knife, riding the bus, colon cancer, falling down the stairs (it could happen at any time!), rapists, people who just kind of look a little rapey and are standing too close to you in line at 7-Eleven, Marlo from The Wire, influenza, and scissors.

So. As I step out into the world and streets as a clown, I want to embrace this knowledge. It's important to remember out of the hundreds of friends on Facebook and G-Chat there were under ten responses. Nine saying yes and one no.
My intention stepping into this world of makeup and noses is NOT simply a "fun" way to entertain. It is also not with the intention to "scare." What it is...what it will be. I am still discovering that. I just know that I am compelled.

I also think its important to see that clowning is like many things in the world. There is great potential here. The ability to abuse and the ability to create love, change, entertainment, beauty, silliness,... When pressed, I'm sure all of the above friends could imagine a clown that did not scare them. Its like asking, "Do politics scare you?" Yes. And it holds great power.

David Wain meets LES MIS. OMG I'm in heaven

2009-06-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

This has absolutely hands down made my day.
YES.

The Threat of the Clown

2009-06-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Wanted to get a great clown cartoon image for the previous post and so I, of course, googled "clown cartoon." Very telling endeavor to uncover the way the internet society views clowns. A few observations:

Out of the first 20 clowns displayed the breakdown is as follows
3 dunce clown cartoons,

4 sad clown cartoons,

5 neutral/happy clown cartoons

7 evil clown cartoons.

What the? Why so many evil clown images?
I have a friend who works at Clowns Without Borders and we got into a conversation about this the other day he said,
"When people tell me they hate clowns and I ask them why, I often find, its just a line. They're just saying that because that's the cool thing to say."
The next day I was talking to someone and they said, "I honestly hate clowns" and I said, "Oh yah, why's that?" And sure enough they said, "Oh, no not really. Actually I'm just saying that."
Huh.

This image though is also very telling.

The fear of putting on the nose...The caption below says, "Sammy...For the last time...Its just a nose, not an demonic omen." If you follow through with this image, what happens? He puts on the clown nose, Krusty attacks. So often our society teaches us to grow up, stop "clowning" around. What are we really afraid of then? Being spontaneous. In many Eastern religions, the fool is the person who has let go of all worldly possessions and wanders with out attachment. Byron Katie often says something along the lines of, "What would your life be like if you lost everything that you believe is precious to you?" "Who are you then?" It's scary to imagine. I agree. And yet, there is a certain freedom to it as well.
Another noteworthy fact from my google search. It wasn't until the 39th image that a woman clown cartoon showed up. There was a fish clown before it even. And you can see below it was her womanly features that were the object of humor. Is that a horn honk or is she farting? The balloon even looks disgusted. Naively oblivious to her absurd state. Where does the clown reclaim its power? And where do we resign to be either clueless or a threat?

Clowning Around

2009-06-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

You don't need a red nose to be a clown.
A few good pieces of advice from laughitout.com. #25 is my favorite I think.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,99 copies.
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
4. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
5. Practice making fax and modem noises.
6. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
7. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
10. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
11. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
12. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
13. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
14. Honk and wave to strangers.
15. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
16. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
17. type only in lowercase.
18. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
19. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
20. Ask people what gender they are.
21. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
22. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
23. Sing along at the opera.
24. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
25. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Chris Bricker --Clown Activist

2009-06-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

My friend Lexi who's a lobbyist for the Labor Union is going to this workshop this weekend: Conference on Creative Organizing. I was looking through the website and lo and behold yet another clown activist. Works with the AFL-CIO. Who would ever think the labor union would have their very own clown activist. Love it. Graduate of Barnum Circus School and plays the freaking saw.
So cool.

Clowning for Justice

2009-06-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

Clown activism. Go to your County Board, dress like a clown and alert them to your issue.
There's a way to get them to remember you.

Is This Tomorrow? America Under Communism

2009-06-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

A great comic book strip from the 1940s about the future of America if we follow communism. Cue scary organ music. Enjoy!

Eleven months since.

2009-06-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of my blog theme: superheros, I'd like to post a recent article titled "Normal Humans Wouldn't Do That" posted on the blog Stars and Stripes about the day my brother Jason Bogar died (see link below.)

I'm not sure how accurate this article is. The boys that were with Jason on that day that I've talked with are reticent to share their stories. I guess they feel like by speaking about it, it cheapens it. I can understand that. Anyway, from the boys who didn't feel that way, this story is slowly coming out. Just as understanding as I feel for the silence of some of the guys, I'm equally thankful for the guys that have made the choice to talk.

Overall the article seems more or less up to par with what I know. I do have issue with this particular piece of information taken from the article,

"There was intelligence an attack would occur," according to an Army "15-6" report regarding the battle, "but this was to be expected for the Waygal District." Troops expected a "probing attack" of around 20 militants."

That is not at all accurate with what I heard from Jason's fellow soldiers. To my understanding, no one had any idea anything was coming and they were on a "recon" mission. From what I know, they weren't expecting 20 --let alone 200.

I feel like its disrespectful to say that they knew it was coming. If they did, don't you think they would have been more prepared? I do.

I miss Jason constantly. Fortunately, being just one month under a year since his death, the realization that he is gone has settled in. Over the past year every time I re-remembered that he died felt like a grenade going off under my feet only to look down and see it was a rock. The dull sinking feeling of: no, I wasn't dead. He was. I'm still here.

So, that doesn't happen as often anymore. It used to be that I would hear a song, eat something or have a thought and think to myself: this is the first time I've experienced this since Jason died. Those instances lessen with time, but they still occur.

Now his absence --it's just a normal part of the day. I wake up and just KNOW he's gone. I dream of him and know he's gone. Sometimes he's in my dream but visiting me as a spirit. Other times I have a dream I'm in real life with Carise, Mom, Dad, Dan but Jason isn't in that dream. I just KNOW he's gone.

Does it make it any less painful? You tell me.

Anyways, here's the story of the day he died told through a few soldier journalists piecing together what they can to find the truth: Normal Humans Wouldn't Do That

Clowns Without Borders

2009-06-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

I did a little gig with them at a fundraiser in DC a few months back. They recently sent a group to Sudan. I heard it went well and they're back.
This is a little clip about a troupe that went to Lesotho.

Fair Use Remix Institutes: Girls and Beats

2009-06-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

Thought this was a cool little mash up. Gives you something to think about. The way we view women. I like the way they link up the youth with the adults. The connections all made through images. Powerful.

What to do with this?

2009-06-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

I ran across a blog called The Two Malcontents today. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by it. Since I lost Jason in the war, my heart has opened to the US military in a way it never had before. I have been able to find a connection between my work in peace activism and the US military. I recently wrote a paper about it and presented it at a Pedagogy of the Oppressed and Theater of the Oppressed conference called the Peacemaker's War where I urged activists to look to the people within the military not as the evil enemy but rather fellow allies who get just as confused as we do about effective ways of achieving peace. Coming across this site I guess is perfect timing as it allows me to flush out just how deep these sympathetic roots go. The About Us page explains: "The Two Malcontents" is a compilation of generational US military families who unequivocally support our troops…regardless of where they are deployed.

The site goes on to spout incredibly hateful words about "socialists" and paints the Obama administration as evil. I can see some similarities in theway many leftists talk about the Bush administration. In my personal life, I can find watching Jon Stewart's "Dick Uncut" recent show brings great joy in my life.

While I can empathize with my friends who criticize the Bush administration, the same rhetoric rings in my ears from both sides. I wonder. How effective is this? Jon Stewart, in my eyes, is a hero. He nails the irony and humor of the world daily. And I could see that many conservatives may find it incredibly offensive.

But what is the difference then between Jon Stewart's show and this blog? One thing is for sure: this blog is not funny. And I can't imagine anyone finds it funny. The people writing it are not intending for it to be funny but rather aggressive and critical. Another thing is that Jon Stewart is not attacking Dick Cheney's physical appearance but rather his actions.

In one post, they take one picture of Michele Obama and under it say, "Ugly bow-legged big ass under-bight from hell anti-American Marxist manure Michelle Obama leaving Westminster Abbey"

Wow. What would motivate someone to be so hateful towards this woman? There are no facts about her as a human but rather an attack on her physical appearance. How dangerous to connect someone's looks with their political views. With women gaining more and more recognition politically, it is a tactic being used often. Take the recent attacks on John McCain's daughter Meghan McCain when she came out in support of gay marriage.

And then her rebuttal: (pardon the pun)

While I look to my fellow peacemaking community to find a common ground where the military can be seen as a partner in our work to achieve peace, I am equally losing my patience for hate rhetoric such as this.

Jon Stewart and the leftists can be a rough bunch. I know, I'm part of it. But regardless of what side you fall on, we must all be ever vigilant of the line that gets crossed between critical analysis and hate.

I am from a generational US military family. My little brother died not even a year ago fighting for what he believed in. I respect and honor his memory. And I support our troops. But I do not subscribe to the hate that comes from this blog. I just want to make that clear. For myself.

Amnesty International Nailed This One

2009-06-10T07:43:00.001-07:00

Amnesty International's new fundraising campaign. FASCINATING. Skateboarders and human rights.Never wanted to spend $350 on a hoodie before...

March on the Pentagon. Attire: Clown.

2009-06-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

The following article was written by Jeff Nall on April 2, 2009 on the blog Toward Freedom. I've re-posted it here. Please reference it here: Militarism Under Obama: A New Phase in the Antiwar Movement.

On Saturday, March 21, 2009 the anti-war movement held its first national mobilization against U.S. militarism since the inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama. Marking the sixth anniversary of the Iraq war, about 10,000 people participated in the March on the Pentagon, organized by the ANSWER Coalition. While there were radical groups in attendance that viewed Obama as being little different from Bush, Obama supporters comprised a sizeable contingent of protesters.

Kate Walsh, unofficial leader of Students Against War in Des Moines wasn’t old enough to vote for Obama last year, but she did help get him elected. "I think I would have voted for him because I’d rather use my vote for a candidate who has a chance rather than voting for a third party," said Walsh who held a t-shirt and blanket stitched peace banner adorned with supportive signatures from Des Moines students. Whether Obama gets her first presidential election vote, however, will depend upon his Iraq and Afghanistan policies. "I’m really opposed to the Iraq war and I don’t believe that we should move troops to Afghanistan," said Walsh. "I want Obama to know that my generation isn’t with him if he’s going to continue the wars there."

Holding a sign reading "I am shocked and awed," veteran Harry Parks of North Carolina echoed Walsh’s position. "[I’m here] to remind the [Obama] administration that we still want the war to end," said Parks who served in the Army for 28 years including 30 months flying helicopters in Vietnam. "This is the most tragic blunder in American history—this past administration and its foray into the Middle East. I’m a retired military veteran and I believe that defending the country is essential, but what we’ve been doing is not defending the country. We’ve actually been occupying countries for the wrong reasons."

Parks said he voted for Obama and believes that he is best suited to rectify the foreign policy debacle Bush left behind. "I just don’t want (Obama) to lose site of the fact that we absolutely must get out of the Middle East and let those people determine what kind of government they want not the kind of government we’re trying to give them."

Micael Bogar of Washington DC may have been dressed as a clown but her impetus for attending the march was as solemn as it gets. Donning a red wig and nose, white face paint, blue dress, and red and white stockings, Bogar said that her younger brother Jason Bogar, a U.S. soldier, died in Afghanistan on July 13, 2008. "These are his dog tags," she said lifting them from her neck to show. Holding a sign as colorful as her outfit, Micael Bogar said that losing her brother transformed her life and led her to realize "that fighting against war doesn’t work." "What does work for me is loving, and understanding the way of the world and reality. And letting everyone else catch up." Clowning, she said, is an important part of that creative process. "And peace is a very courageous act and it takes creativity to get there, to find peace in your life. So I’m demonstrating what my peace looks like."

Marking a new phase of the 21st century anti-war movement, protesters’ criticisms were not limited to Iraq but encompassed general U.S. military foreign policy. Activists condemned the U.S.’s role in Afghanistan and Pakistan, and its financial and political backing of Israel’s assault on Gaza and continued occupation of Palestinian territory. A relatively new but prevalent mantra was that U.S. military spending came at the expense of desperately needed funding for jobs, education and basic human needs

In addition to professionally crafted signs made by organizing groups, protesters brandished a plethora of handcrafted signs and banners reading: "Obama it’s your war now," "America is losing its soul in Gaza," "U.S. out of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan NOW," "College not combat," "Hey Obama take a stand, U.S. out of Afghanistan" and "OK Democrats, now stop the war."

After rallying across the street from the Lincoln Memorial from about noon to 2pm protesters marched across the Memorial Bridge on their way to the Pentagon. Anti-war protesters were met with less than a dozen counter protesters who held up an effigy of Jane Fonda on a noose with a sign reading: "Jane Fonda, American Bitch Traitor." Others held signs reading "Che is dead get over it," "Al Qaeda Appeasers on Parade," "Peace thru strength," and "Anti-American Peaceniks think sedition is patriotic."

Along the march route protesters bellowed chants such as "Hey Obama, yes we can. Troops out of Afghanistan" and "Barack, Barack, Barack, Afghanistan's the same as Iraq." Protesters also called for broad ethnic unity chanting "Blacks, Latinos, Arab, Asian, and whites, no racist war no more, no more, defend our civil rights." Other chants addressed the economic situation: "Bail out the workers, not the war makers."

While much of the March on Pentagon, like most demonstrations, was well-rehearsed, there were a handful of occasions when truly organic outbursts of democratic will occurred. At one point, the march came to a halt as activists spontaneously formed a large dance circle and moved to what may have been the most popular chant of the demonstration: "Get up! Get down! There’s an anti-war movement in this town!"

This pause in the march, however, was used by a small group of activists to stage a protest within the March on the Pentagon. A small group of activists who questioned organizers’ commitment to opposing racism, flanked by a group of anarchists, created a blockade in the route, bottling up the protest. The group soon drew the ire of participants and ANSWER volunteers who diligently worked to funnel frustrated and confused marchers past the blockade. Further along the route one protester from the anarchist contingent threw a hammer into an apartment window. Some were displeased with such tactics.

Crescenzo Scipione, 17, of Rochester, New York said that the blockade of the route wasn’t constructive. "All it did was alienate anarchists, which is the last thing that the broader movement needs," said Scipione. "I hate it because it perpetuates, mainly among liberals and socialists this kind of baiting of anarchists. We need to stop doing shit like that."

March organizers dramatized the tragic consequences of U.S. military intervention around the world by creating about one-hundred cardboard coffins draped with flags representing the homeland of those killed. Coffins representing fallen American soldiers were also on hand.

Protesters carried the coffins along the route, through the Pentagon north parking lot into downtown Crystal City where they delivered them to defense contractors Boeing, Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics and KBR amid an army of riot-gear clad police officers.

Though unreported by most media outlets the end of the march was marked by a tense standoff between protesters and Arlington County Police. In an attempt to prevent activists from placing the makeshift coffins on the proverbial doorstep of General Dynamics-KBR dozens of police officers created a virtual wall around the facility. A contingent of activists took direct action, however, charging toward the entrance from an unguarded side of the building. A brigade of officers responded by cutting off their path. Activists settled on leaving the coffins at officers’ feet. On the street, supportive marchers looked on.

While activists sought to deliver the coffins to General Dynamics-KBR activists gathered nearby erupting in spontaneous song. Codepink activists led marchers in singing "Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Round" and "Solidarity Forever."

Excluding United for Peace and Justice’s half-a-million person protest in January 2007, the first Washington protest of the Obama administration was about one-tenth the size of ANSWER’s September 15, 2007 march. Asked how she felt about the considerably smaller turnout of protesters compared to the better attended marches in 2007, Rachelle van Wyck of St. Pete, Florida said that the numbers were less important than getting the message out. "It’s that people are still committed," said van Wyck who donned an "I can’t believe I’m still protesting this crap!" sticker. "That we still get the message out to this president that America is concerned about getting the troops home and that this needs to be a priority in his making policies. He needs to know that this is not what America wants and we have spoken. And we still say ‘bring the troops home.’"

In his March 27, 2009 article, "The Angry Left," published in the Atlantic, Will DiNovi writes that the anti-war movement’s most significant obstacle is the formation of a coherent message. "Though withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan was ostensibly the theme of the day, Saturday's featured speakers railed against causes as disparate as the embargo of Cuba, U.S. policy towards Sudan, and Israel's recent incursion into Gaza. As protesters made their way from the National Mall toward the Pentagon and a hub of defense contractors in Arlington, the march devolved into a vague condemnation of ‘the military industrial complex’ rather than a targeted attack on the president's foreign policy."

While DiNovi may bemoan the anti-war movement’s "vague condemnation of ‘the military industrial complex’" it is worth noting Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King contention that just such a comprehensive analysis was needed to achieve significant, lasting change and peace. Indeed, just ten days before his death King commented that the growth of the military industrial complex was the worst consequence of the Vietnam War. In a March 25, 1968 interview with Rabbi Everett Gendler Dr. King said: "One of the greatest tragedies of the war in Vietnam is that it has strengthened the military-industrial complex, and it must be made clear now that there are some programs that we can cut back on—the space program and certainly the war in Vietnam—and get on with this program of a war on poverty. Right now we don’t even have a skirmish against poverty, and we really need an all out, mobilized war that will make it possible for all of God’s children to have the basic necessities of life."

Jeff Nall is writer, peace activist, and speaker. His book, Perpetual Revolt: Essays on Peace & Justice and The Shared Values of Secular, Spiritual, and Religious Progressives (Howling Dog Press, 250 pages, $15.95), is available at his website: http://jeffnall.com and Amazon.com. Email sabletide(at)yahoo(dot)com

Cumeezi Clown Troupe. A legend

2009-06-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

Catching up on the history of clowning; the Cumeezi Clown Troupe ran around the streets of NYC in the 70's and 80's. There is a whole website dedicated to their past work. One shtick was campaigning. What a perfect way to create some DC political theater. Can you imagine what you could do with that nowadays? What kind of a campaign would a clown run? How could that be paralleled with current politics? So much there!!
Here is a link to their website: www.cumeezi.com

Real Superhero Dude!

2009-06-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

This kid is for real. What a doll. He dresses up like a superhero and hands out water and food to the homeless. Watch here

A Femme Clown Assemblage

2009-06-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

Not Just For Shock Value
A New York based all female group of clowns. O for a muse of fire! O to live in New York and be in this clown troupe! O to create one in DC!

Look at these amazing ladies.

Thoughts from Kendall Cornell --the group's founder:

"In a traditionally male field, I have discovered the need for women clowns. Women’s clowning has a specific beauty. Only a woman can uncover the deep humor of women’s experience – and perhaps of certain life truths. For me, it has been necessary to go back to the ancient core principles of clowning to re-find a place for the women, so they are not merely an imitation of the male tradition, but instead they reveal (and create fun with) their own distinct terrain. For the audience, the experience may also be new territory. In order to laugh at a clown, we have to sense a certain mutuality, which means that both men and women in the audience will identify with the clown on stage. It can be a startling thing for both groups to recognize themselves in a woman on stage (and a sovereignly foolish one!). Clowning can cut through our differences to our universality, at the same time that it wakes us up to our unique selves."

Barnaby King, what a clown

2009-06-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

I've been emailing a bit with a friend of a friend who has worked all over the States and in Colombia as a clown. Here's an interview with him. He seems like a great guy.

CIRCA - not your average clown troupe

2009-06-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

Clowning has been on my mind and painted on my face lately. I'm fascinated by the intersection of peaceful demonstrations and clowning. Most recently I was introduced to a clowning troupe (mostly in the UK) called CIRCA, which stands for: Clandestine, Insurgent, Rebel, Army. They dress up as clowns and do all sorts of peaceful activism. It seems to me their tactics may skate the edge in terms of effective activism, but I really don't know too much about them. Could it be that European military and police have more of a sense of humor. I imagine if I went up to a cop at a protest or something and tried to talk in his megaphone, I wouldn't have the same success. Here is their link: http://www.clownarmy.org/

ah! who knew? loris. i want one

2009-04-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

National High Five Day

2009-04-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

Who knew?
Its almost three pm and I still haven't high fived anyone yet. Yikes!

Reality is always kind

2009-03-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

A quote that I read from Byron Katie's A Thousand Names for Joy.
"If my daughter (or brother in my case) dies, I realize that there is no self to be affected. It's not about me. This is about her life, my child's life, and mind --the unceasing bodiless mind that is finally awake to itself, the mind that never existed as a her, and the her that can never die. In this, we are never separated. And that's just a beginning: it gets even kinder. I get to see what my child's children grow in to because she was not there to teach them differently. Whenever I lose something, I've been spared. Every loss has to be a gain, unless the loss is being judged by a confused mind. I come to see what fills that space in my kindness in my world cannot decrease, because something else enters the space that I held her in. Just when you think that life can't get any better, it has to. That's the law."

I watch and feel some fight in this story. I fight against, "whenever I lose something, I've been spared" I feel like saying that I've been spared from Jason is a very cruel story. And yet I can find where it's true. If he had come home from that battle and been crippled or felt regret or remorse and I had to watch his life crumble and he would just be miserable. I am spared from that. If he had come home and continued to live a wild reckless life where he drank and drove and crashed his car and got arrested and never got back into school and never lived the life that I had perfectly planned for him. I am spared. It feels very selfish to say that still.

I can also see where I have been spared in terms of the death of my ego. As I live day to day with out Jason in my life and I feel the pain and agony of missing him I notice this part of me that misses him, this ego is screaming and crying and dying. As the quote above says, "In the unceasing bodiless mind, we are never separated."
With Jason's death the distinction between my ego and the unceasing bodiless mind has become much more clear. The unceasing bodiless mind hears Jason, feels Jason in ways never before. And the ego feels him as completely and totally gone.
This is what I mean when I say to people that losing Jason has been both the worst and best thing that could ever happen to me. He has crossed over from the struggle between enlightenment and confusion into pure enlightenment and he has tied a rope to my heart to show me the difference.

When I feel the pain and loss of his death, I must with full integrity also explain that this is the pain and loss of my ego. A part of me is dying that should be dying, that allows me such a state of grace and freedom I can't begin to explain. A place where Jason is. So, yes, I have been spared.

Oh the Internet is such a trip

2009-02-27T11:58:00.000-08:00

So, Here is a link to the top one hundred great viral things online

http://www.youshouldhaveseenthis.com/

And here's one:

Carousel of Time

2009-02-25T10:43:00.001-08:00

O Joni Mitchell. You are such a pretty lady.

Here are my favorite lyrics from the song.

"And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
Were captive on the carousel of time
We cant return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game"

It reminds me of my life lately. I notice the deep desire to feel happiness. And it only brings me back to sadness. Micael is such a wonderful Micael. I give myself exactly what I ask for. Happiness. And this happiness I want lives in the dichotomy of happy and sad. So I need to be sad too in order to be happy. I do it with out even noticing it. I give myself happiness and then I give myself sadness. I'm seeing now that I do it out of compassion, If I don't allow myself to be sad, I won't be able to feel the happiness that I desire.

Now, that I notice this....I can start to notice the difference between happiness and peace. Maybe this is yet another circle of peace and war. Maybe. But I guess my question is, is there anything outside the circles that we go round and round on? The Buddhists call it Samsara, the cyclical patterns of desire.

I can sit and notice. Ah, here is the happiness....and there is something else that's different and unwavering -joy-. Ah. Here is the saddness...and that same thing that existed within the happiness but was not the happiness the -joy, silence, peace- It's unnamable. The moment I name it, it becomes a part of the circle. It's God.

Thank you Joni for reminding me that these circles are exactly as you say. They are games.

I love to play them. I love to be happy. And with that comes sadness so I guess if I'm going to have full integrity, I can say, I also love to be sad.

With out further adieu: The Circle Game.

Happy Birthday Jas

2009-02-19T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's my little brother's birthday today. Been kinda...sigh....waiting for it for like three weeks. Good to finally be here. I'm having a big shindig tonight for him at my place. I was talking to my mom on the phone last night and saying that I had invited one of Jason's friends Ryan (who had been in Afghanistan with Jason when he died). I'm really excited that Ryan is coming and a little nervous that all my liberal friends might weird him out and then I actually said, "You know, Ryan is such a chill kid, it'll be fine. I'd be more worried if Jason were coming." Ha! I would too. If Jason were coming tonight I'd be like, "Hide the whiskey" =) Memories of him crashing parties of my mom's and my sisters. O. What a rascal. Truth is, I'd love to have him there tonight. Truth is...I am totally open to him being there tonight. I can't know that he won't be. In some amazing way.
Happy Birthday Jas. Hope you can make it to the party.

They get an A for Effort....dur....

2009-02-17T13:23:00.001-08:00

So...its important to keep it in perspective. Usually I write about heros.
But today. Ahem. Not heros.
Cheers.

Byron Katie is a hero

2009-02-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

This woman is my teacher. The best teacher I've ever had. Besides myself.
And everyone else in the world.
=)

Loving the living and the dead. Loving it all.

2009-02-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

What would my life look like if I loved the people in it with the same intensity as I love Jason?

That's been on my mind a lot lately.

The answer is not one that I think I've really allowed myself to dive into. Just the tip of the iceberg, my toe freezes up and I jump out.

The way I see it: now that Jason is gone, my stories about him and who he is and who he was to me and the world are all clearly glorified. He was a hero. He was a selfless loving darling boy. This is all true. I can find this all. And when I say all these things about my sister, who is living (thank god, bless her heart) I can also find them all to be true. Carise is my hero. She is a selfless loving darling girl. Yes. Easy.

Now, if I never got to talk to her again, that story would have no challenges. It would be a sealed deal. Just like with Jason. And then my desire to talk to her with increase ten fold because as time went on and the stories continue to be unchallenged, the stories gel and solidify in my brain. It's ironic and wonderful.

If Jason were alive right now and I were to call him on the phone. He would probably say a handful of things that would put the thought that he is selfless and loving up to the test.

Yesterday, however, instead of talking to Jason, I did in fact talk to Carise and was so happy to see her calling me and then she opened her mouth.

=)

And as she talked, the stories in my head about how she was so selfless just went out the window. I was totally and completely at odds with it. I couldn't see it. She asked me how I was doing and then rolled right over the question and proceeded to talk a blue streak for five minutes about how she was. How could a selfless loving girl do that? So hard for me to see that.

Now, don't stop reading here and think that I'm saying I wish all my family was dead because it would be easier to love them, because that is very much not the case.

My relationship with Carise is a deep amazing channel of love that flows between us. My patience for her and love for her runs so deep that I can't even explain. She. Is. My. Sistah. Literally.

I am working to be a lover of reality and the reality is that my brother is dead and my sister is very much alive. And so I am given a gift from both of them. Jason dies and Carise lives. And can I find a place where it makes just as much sense to love her the same way I love him?

Of course, its not as easy. Jason doesn't talk to me explicitly anymore. He doesn't challenge any of my stories about what it means to be selfless and loving and a hero. He did the best he could when he was alive. And I guess I can even question that because actually, he is very much helping me right now to realize this. His name, his story, he is with me in this journey to discover this seamless compassion for all. Living and dead. He's like Sebastian in the Never Ending Story. Reading from afar with his apple in the attic.

So, Carise. My dear Carise. I look forward to the day that she can call me and talk a blue streak about her life and not ask me one single question and I can find undoubtedly where that is the most selfless thing she could ever ever do.

Family. What an amazing thing it is.

Jason Bogar, a superhero

2009-02-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

Been thinking about that boy a lot lately. It would have been, or I guess still is, his 26th birthday coming up here in a few weeks. Deep sigh. Not sure where to go with that one. It definitely is still his birthday cause its the day he was born. His birth day. However there are some implications involved there that he is still alive and celebrating it. That to have a birthday one must be climbing up in the years and while that may also be argued that yes, Jason will be 26 this February 19th...that is not the case.

I miss my brother. I still hope that I'll get to see him on his birthday. I feel so much pain there.

He is in my heart. And my head and my dreams and all over my computer --his images and memories and the feelings and thoughts connected to them permeate my life. They soak into my core like a dark rum in a rich layered Tiramisu cake. He is undoubtedly there. Sometimes I feel shame that I don't think and love and miss my sister, dad and mom as deeply as I do Jason. I feel sick with love for Jason all the time.

If he ever felt like he wished I would love him more, he got that wish to come true. His death has somehow opened up this channel, river, dam of love that just bursts for him.

Strange.

What would my like look like if I felt that way about the people living in my life?

I notice that the pain around his loss is usually a very superficial crust on a deep deep cavern of love. That when I scrape off the painful thought associated with the intense ravage of feeling that knocks me on my ass now and then, I find a GOLD MINE of love. Just endless, delicious love. So much thankfulness for our time together.

What kind of guy does what he did? A hero.

Kurt Vonnegut. Personal Hero. Super Hero. Hero.

2009-01-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has Or Will

by Josh Modell, Kyle Ryan, Noel Murray, Scott Gordon, and Tasha Robinson April 24, 2007

1. "I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

The actual advice here is technically a quote from Kurt Vonnegut's "good uncle" Alex, but Vonnegut was nice enough to pass it on at speeches and in A Man Without A Country. Though he was sometimes derided as too gloomy and cynical, Vonnegut's most resonant messages have always been hopeful in the face of almost-certain doom. And his best advice seems almost ridiculously simple: Give your own happiness a bit of brainspace.

2. "Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God."

In Cat's Cradle, the narrator haplessly stumbles across the cynical, cultish figure Bokonon, who populates his religious writings with moronic, twee aphorisms. The great joke of Bokononism is that it forces meaning on what's essentially chaos, and Bokonon himself admits that his writings are lies. If the protagonist's trip to the island nation of San Lorenzo has any cosmic purpose, it's to catalyze a massive tragedy, but the experience makes him a devout Bokononist. It's a religion for people who believe religions are absurd, and an ideal one for Vonnegut-style humanists.

3. "Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand."

Another koan of sorts from Cat's Cradle and the Bokononist religion (which phrases many of its teachings as calypsos, as part of its absurdist bent), this piece of doggerel is simple and catchy, but it unpacks into a resonant, meaningful philosophy that reads as sympathetic to humanity, albeit from a removed, humoring, alien viewpoint. Man's just another animal, it implies, with his own peculiar instincts, and his own way of shutting them down. This is horrifically cynical when considered closely: If people deciding they understand the world is just another instinct, then enlightenment is little more than a pit-stop between insoluble questions, a necessary but ultimately meaningless way of taking a sanity break. At the same time, there's a kindness to Bokonon's belief that this is all inevitable and just part of being a person. Life is frustrating and full of pitfalls and dead ends, but everybody's gotta do it.

4. "There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind."

This line from God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater comes as part of a baptismal speech the protagonist says he's planning for his neighbors' twins: "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind." It's an odd speech to make over a couple of infants, but it's playful, sweet, yet keenly precise in its summation of everything a new addition to the planet should need to know. By narrowing down all his advice for the future down to a few simple words, Vonnegut emphasizes what's most important in life. At the same time, he lets his frustration with all the people who obviously don't get it leak through just a little.

5. "She was a fool, and so am I, and so is anyone who thinks he sees what God is doing."

A couple of pages into Cat's Cradle, protagonist Jonah/John recalls being hired to design and build a doghouse for a lady in Newport, R.I., who "claimed to understand God and His Ways of Working perfectly." With such knowledge, "she could not understand why anyone should be puzzled about what had been or about what was going to be." When Jonah shows her the doghouse's blueprint, she says she can't read it. He suggests taking it to her minister to pass along to God, who, when he finds a minute, will explain it "in a way that even you can understand." She fires him. Jonah recalls her with a bemused fondness, ending the anecdote with this Bokonon quote. It's a typical Vonnegut zinger that perfectly summarizes the inherent flaw of religious fundamentalism: No one really knows God's ways.

6. "Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"

In this response to his own question—"Why bother?"—in Timequake, his last novel, Vonnegut doesn't give a tired response about the urge to create; instead, he offers a pointed answer about how writing (and reading) make a lonesome world a little less so. The idea of connectedness—familial and otherwise—ran through much of his work, and it's nice to see that toward the end of his career, he hadn't lost the feeling that words can have an intimate, powerful impact.

7. "There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too."

Though this quote comes from the World War II-centered Mother Night (published in 1961), its wisdom and ugly truth still ring. Vonnegut (who often said "The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected") was righteously skeptical about war, having famously survived the only one worth fighting in his lifetime. And it's never been more true: Left or right, Christian or Muslim, those convinced they're doing violence in service of a higher power and against an irretrievably inhuman enemy are the most dangerous creatures of all.

8. "Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, she never thought of her awful luck as being anything but accidents in a very busy place. Good for her."

Vonnegut's excellent-but-underrated Slapstick (he himself graded it a "D") was inspired by his sister Alice, who died of cancer just days after her husband was killed in an accident. Vonnegut's assessment of Alice's character—both in this introduction and in her fictional stand-in, Eliza Mellon Swain—is glowing and remarkable, and in this quote from the book's introduction, he manages to swipe at a favorite enemy (organized religion) and quietly, humbly embrace someone he clearly still missed a lot.

9. "That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes."

The narrator delivering this line at the end of the first chapter of Deadeye Dick is alluding both to his father's befriending of Hitler and his own accidental murder of his neighbor, but like so many of these quotes, it resonates well beyond its context. The underlying philosophy of Vonnegut's work was always that existence is capricious and senseless, a difficult sentiment that he captured time and again with a bemused shake of the head. Indeed, the idea that life is just a series of small decisions that culminate into some sort of "destiny" is maddening, because you could easily ruin it all simply by making the wrong one. Ordering the fish, stepping onto a balcony, booking the wrong flight, getting married—a single misstep, and you're done for. At least when you're dead, you don't have to make any more damn choices. Wherever Vonnegut is, he's no doubt grateful for that.

10. "Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak."

Vonnegut touchstones like life on Tralfamadore and the absurd Bokononist religion don't help people escape the world so much as see it with clearer reason, which probably had a lot to do with Vonnegut's education as a chemist and anthropologist. So it's unsurprising that in a "self-interview" for The Paris Review, collected in his non-fiction anthology Palm Sunday, he said the literary world should really be looking for talent among scientists and doctors. Even when taking part in such a stultifying, masturbatory exercise for a prestigious journal, Vonnegut was perfectly readable, because he never forgot where his true audience was.

11. "All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental."

In Vonnegut's final novel, 1997's Timequake, he interacts freely with Kilgore Trout and other fictional characters after the end of a "timequake," which forces humanity to re-enact an entire decade. (Trout winds up too worn out to exercise free will again.) Vonnegut writes his own fitting epigram for this fatalistic book: "All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental," which sounds more funny than grim. Vonnegut surrounds his characters—especially Trout—with meaninglessness and hopelessness, and gives them little reason for existing in the first place, but within that, they find liberty and courage.

12. "Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?"

Even when Vonnegut dared to propose a utopian scheme, it was a happily dysfunctional one. In Slapstick, Wilbur Swain wins the presidency with a scheme to eliminate loneliness by issuing people complicated middle names (he becomes Wilbur Daffodil-11 Swain) which make them part of new extended families. He advises people to tell new relatives they hate, or members of other families asking for help: "Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?" Of course, this fails to prevent plagues, the breakdown of his government, and civil wars later in the story.

13. "So it goes."

Unlike many of these quotes, the repeated refrain from Vonnegut's classic Slaughterhouse-Five isn't notable for its unique wording so much as for how much emotion—and dismissal of emotion—it packs into three simple, world-weary words that simultaneously accept and dismiss everything. There's a reason this quote graced practically every elegy written for Vonnegut over the past two weeks (yes, including ours): It neatly encompasses a whole way of life. More crudely put: "Shit happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to."

14. "I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled 'science fiction' ever since, and I would like out, particularly since so many serious critics regularly mistake the drawer for a urinal."

Vonnegut was as trenchant when talking about his life as when talking about life in general, and this quote from an essay in Wampeters, Foma & Granfalloons is particularly apt; as he explains it, he wrote Player Piano while working for General Electric, "completely surrounded by machines and ideas for machines," which led him to put some ideas about machines on paper. Then it was published, "and I learned from the reviewers that I was a science-fiction writer." The entire essay is wry, hilarious, and biting, but this line stands out in particular as typifying the kind of snappishness that made Vonnegut's works so memorable.

15. "We must be careful about what we pretend to be."

In Mother Night, apolitical expatriate American playwright Howard W. Campbell, Jr. refashions himself as a Nazi propagandist in order to pass coded messages on to the U.S. generals and preserve his marriage to a German woman—their "nation of two," as he calls it. But in serving multiple masters, Campbell ends up ruining his life and becoming an unwitting inspiration to bigots. In his 1966 introduction to the paperback edition, Vonnegut underlines Mother Night's moral: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." That lesson springs to mind every time a comedian whose shtick relies on hoaxes and audience-baiting—or a political pundit who traffics in shock and hyperbole—gets hauled in front of the court of public opinion for pushing the act too far. Why can't people just say what they mean? It's a question Don Imus and Michael Richards—and maybe someday Ann Coulter—must ask themselves on their many sleepless nights.

the pres. the superhero

2009-01-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

so all the naysayers they naysay that obama will not do all he has promised to do. i do agree that will be quite a hard thing to do. but i still love him.
and that means, i consider him a superhero. yes i do.
inauguration next week will be a blast.

2009-01-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to write a blog so that i could say i'm a good blogger. not much to say. its been a great week. the past few hours have been rough. i'm really convinced i shouldn't be here right now.
but is it true?
yes
can i absolutely know it?
no
how do i react when i think it?
i am mad at everyone around me for keeping me here. i have thoughts of chains and me trapped in them. images of people all laughing at me. its very painful. outside there is a whole world going on around me. everyone laughing, having fun. me trapped here.
its friday at 4pm, this is a very common one that comes up for me at this time.
how do i treat myself when i believe this thought?
i start to go into stories about how this is the wrong job for me, that i am out of it.
when was the first time you remember having this thought?
maybe back when i was a little lassy and living in the brown house where we snuck early in the morning to make eggs and were afraid we would get caught by our parents
who would you be without this thought?
i would be here and so cool with being here and tired
and proud of my work this week and even maybe okay with writing this blog, just relaxing a little bit after all this hard work.
i should be here right now.
1. i am
2. i can relax and have some fun
3. i am not willing to give up my peace, i'd rather be here and be at peace then be anywhere in the world

i look forward to having the thought i shouldn't be here right now because it reminds me that maybe i could be doing something to be a bit more loving to myself.
it reminds me to say, what is it that i'm doing here, that is so unbearable and make adjustments.
sigghhhhh
ahhhhhhh
hey, i should be here right now. and i just blogged. =)

2009-01-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

so, i've been off "fighting crime" for the past few weeks, thats why i've missed posting.
the whole idea of a superhero has changed for me though, so i feel its important to share.
my superhero powers have morphed from nothing worth mentioning to welcoming stressful thoughts to examine question and then watch as they take a new form...or not

and my superhero powers are four simple questions.
heres how it works

i'm a bad blogger
is this true?
hmmm, well the definition of a bad blogger is some one who doesn't blog, right? and also someone who when they do blog they blog about boring uninteresting topics that only the person themself would find interesting.
so. i'm a bad blogger.
one follower.
i post pictures of dogs in superhero costumes and i'm doing the work.
i would say. YES i am a bad blogger.
can you absolutely know that's true?
well, really the definition of good and bad is something that eludes me more and more. to attach bad to the blog or the actions around the blog and good to others blogs or others perceived actions around their blogs gets so messy.

ill use a mainstream example. have you seen charlie wilson's war?
member when that amazing actor phillip seymor hoffman whose playing that fat drunk dude poses the question of do you know about what the zen master said. here's a clip from the movie:

Gust: There's a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse... and everybody in the village says, "how wonderful. the boy got a horse" And the Zen master says, "we'll see." Two years later The boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everyone in the village says, "how terrible." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." Then, a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight... except the boy can't cause his legs all messed up. and everybody in the village says, "How wonderful."
Charlie Wilson: Now the Zen master says, "We'll see."

Right so, good and bad, get messy. It's just so much fun to watch my mind and watch it label, sunshine: good inside at work: bad heat: good heater: bad (it kills the polar bears) and on and on and on. killing polar bears: bad polar bears: good. i am shocked i can still work while being so busy with all the analogies.

shheeeesh. where was i?
o so is it true that i'm a bad blogger?
well, at this point i think its safe to say i'm a blogger.
cause right now, i am blogging. i am. blogging. typiddy type type bloggidy blog blog. according to me, superhero blogar and thats really the only reference i have. i blog.
am i a bad one?
that's just not my business.
so. absolutely cannot no its true i am a bad blogger.

hmmmm
how do i react when i think that?
o man. i just worry about what kind of pictures or funny things i can find to make up for my badness, my inability to blog, i ignore and don't think of my blog. i don't promote my blog. i don't want to read other peoples blogs because they will just prove how bad i am. if they blog more than me: i'm bad, they're good. if they post something before me: i'm bad they're good, if they have more followers than me: bad, good. you get it. my one follower who probably won't even read this. i know you get it.
so i react by avoiding and feeling disappointed in myself. i even blame my dad in a weird way for not teaching me to follow through with anything. (even though my father is very good at keeping up at his blog) nevermind, must blame someone.

when was the first time you had this thought?
i am bad.....fill in the blank....
well, i remember a very early memory i must have been four or five and it was dinner and my mom had made pasta but the kind with the different colored noodles, green, red, yellow. o my holy god. it scared me. i couldn't understand why the noodles were different colored. i usually wasn't picky but i remember thinking no way in hell i will eat that. that is bad news. and thats not where the thought i am bad came in, the i am bad came in when my mom made me sit at the dinner table after everyone else finished and i have this memory of this sinking feeling in my gut as a little girl with the cold noodles in front of me that still scared the piss out of me. i mean if someone handed you a hamburger that was black and neon green would you eat it? NOOOOOOooooo....so i was sitting there and i remember my mom was so mad at me and carise and jason were playing in the other room and i was sitting there thinking i am so bad....and i'll be DAMNED if i put one of those malicious noodles anywhere near my face.
sigghhhh

what are you afraid would happen if you didn't believe this story?
i am afraid that without this story i won't blog as often.

who would you be with out your story that you are a bad blogger?
the greatest service to my fellow friends and readers and all (which is basically just dan at this point) is to not try to think for him in the past present or future.
i often write an email and then read it over once its sent as if i am the person reading it and i get this weird ego thrill like i've just jumped into that person's mind and received the email and judged it and gotten a glimpse into their mind so when they write back, i already am expecting them to have received it in a certain way and that leaves a great large part of life out for me. the other people. their part in it, i take that on too. with out this thought, i would be writing this with out raping the readers minds. i would be writing this considerate, maybe even editing for language because lord knows i love to swear...but really i would just be giving the greatest gift i could and that would be an honest open heart that is allowing the words to happen without writing them with a motive. and, i might even do it more often. who knows.

turn arounds.
i am a good blogger.
good bad polarity covered but that leaves me with more work to do on good because if i am to believe that nothing can be bad unless there is good then it throws me into a ton of questions about good and the concepts there. more on that later i imagine so for the sake of simplicity and just to understand that there are both sides to it.
i'll go with this turn around.
three examples
1. in my opinion, this is a good blog.
2. that dog picture is adorable
3. the blogar. now that's a damn good blog name.

i look forward to having the thought i am a bad blogger because it will remind me that its time to blog and do the work.

.

What a dog!

2008-12-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

aaaa!
its a hero dog!!!
a super hero!!!!
i love him. (or her)

what a tough place to live

2008-12-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

i have a friend who lives in azerbaijan. she's actually the cousin of a good friend a few years younger and always seemed to be a bit too cool for azerbaijan.
today her facebook status said, "World: I hate U"
so I wrote her back and said,
"Hey girl, take a deep breath, what's up?"
and she wrote back
"hec ne olmayib.nefes ala bilmirem coz I HATE this WORLD!!!"
(nothings up, i can't breathe cause i hate this world)
and i understand.
when i lived in ganja, i found it very difficult to be happy as well. for all the women out there who have the freedom to date who they want, wear what they want and say what the want....take a moment to feel very very lucky.
any woman that continues to think for herself on a daily basis and live in ganja or any other city that is run by such patriarichal rules is, in my book, the biggest superhero i've given a shout out to.
man.
whoa-man.

even superheros can be bad

2008-12-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

tom cruise. if he were a superhero, he'd be one of those conflicted good guy bad guy characters and this would be him on a bad day.

2008-12-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

it was a great weekend overall. nice and calm. with a great party in between.
the weather is cold. even for a super hero...
i wore my super deluxe jacket all day inside.
as promised i won't let the day end without a tribute to a superhero for mondays.
from my hometown baby.
thats right.
happy holidays to all you superheroes

if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

2008-12-05T13:01:00.001-08:00

my superhero friend showing off again. jeeezzzz. i told him to keep his skills a secret.

See more funny videos and Music Videos at Today's Big Thing.

2008-12-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

the dude. the dude abides.
and god bless all who agree.
and god bless white russians.

cheer up charlie

2008-12-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

well even superheros can have a long week.
this has been an especially long one.
i got news my friend died
brenthurd.com
got sick with some sort of cold
and was just missing my brother so much.
siggghhhh.
i'm posting a song that helped one of the greatest superheros of all pick up his spirits. charlie bucket.

superhero vacancy, no mr. knife and fork man.

2008-12-04T13:00:00.000-08:00

calling all superheros.
are you a superhero?
do you have amazing super power capabilities?
what are they?
if you want to join our (well, my) superhero club
please send your name, superpower capability and terms.
i'm serious.
no fucking around here.
cause i don't even have my email address posted so you're gonna need to be able to read my mind or already know who i am and have my email address.
posers need not apply.
that's right mr. evil knife and fork. i know your number. not here.

just in case....

2008-12-04T12:25:00.000-08:00

just in case you wanted to see a real picture of me as opposed to the sketch my friend ningenna made. except i don't always wear that mask. and sometimes at work i put my hair down. otherwise, that's me.

its a beautiful day in blogar land

2008-12-04T11:41:00.000-08:00

greetings fellow friendlings

this is your friendly blogar to wish you a warm lower caps welcome to my site. it seems intuitive that we will be talking about superheroes and other fantastic extremities within and without our galaxy and if that's what you're here to find. that's what ye shall.

to start off the fun, let's give a shout out to our very own caped crusader the talented and warmhearted hamster on a piano.

well, maybe he doesn't have a cape, but the way he handles that popcorn is enough to earn him a spot in the blogar famester fan club. ultimately, it really comes down to his humility, wouldn't you say?